Truth

Facing reality is hard. It is hard to look into the eyes of what is true, because the truth is revealing. The truth shines light in a dark room. It reveals everything. Sometimes I feel like God shines a light on my life and every time He does I close my eyes. I close my eyes, because I do not want to see my life. I do not want to look in the mirror and face the reality of my corrupt heart. I do not want to see the ugly filth that is destroying me! I do not want to come to grips with my reality!

Honestly, I want to hide from the truth. I want to hide from reality. I want to be as far away from what makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I want to close my eyes and forget about everything and just fall to sleep pretending like everything is okay, but this is not how God works.

The truth hurts. The truth breaks me. The truth brings me to my knees. The truth reveals my filthy rags. The truth is love. The truth is healing. The truth is redemption. The truth is what I need, because God is truth. He is the light that shines and reveals all of my dark and evil secrets. He is the penetrating truth that pierces my heart and convicts me of my sin. He is the voice that guides me into His loving embrace. He is the savior that took on death for my salvation. He has revealed to me what is wrong and has given me a choice. A choice between turning on the light switch and walking in repentance or a choice to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow of my sin.

The problem is that so many times I choose to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow. I make that choice, because it is comfortable. It puts me in control over my life and it keeps me at the driver seat. The problem is I can not see where I am going. I have no idea what I am doing. I walk in darkness and I have no idea where I am. I am lost and confused, but I still choose to be in the shadow. I make that choice, because I am afraid. I am afraid of letting God invade my life. I am afraid of what He will find and what He will reveal. I am afraid of what will happen and what will become of me.

All of these reasons are selfish and self-seeking. All of these reasons revolve around me and my comforts and my needs. All of these reasons describe a corrupt heart. A corrupt heart that, "loves personal pleasure more than it loves the Lord." - Paul Tripp (author of whiter than snow)

Plain in simple, I love personal pleasure more than I love God.

On the other hand the times when I choose to let God turn on the light of penetrating truth are the times that I feel God the most. They are times of pain and hurt, but at the same moment they are times of beautiful and sweet mercy. I stand naked and vulnerable before God and I let Him in on all of my secrets. God does not reject me and He does not push me away, but He embraces me with arms of protection. My vulnerability and weakness are covered by His Grace. No one can touch me, but Him. No one can destroy me, but the Creator. No one knows me like my Lover and no heals me like my God.

God has revealed to me my filth. He has penetrated my heart with revealing truth. I am convicted and I embrace all of the accusations of my corruption, but I take shelter in God's Grace. Stones have been engraved with all of my sins and they have been thrown in my direction. Every stone deserves to hit me. Every stone deserves to break me, but instead Christ in perfect love spreads out His body, completely vulnerable, naked, broken, shattered, and embraces the impact of every single stone. I stand behind His bent and bruised body completely forgiven and completely renewed. The stones have been thrown and my debts have been paid. Christ rose again and just like Christ has risen so will I. My life is being restored and will be completed when I pass away. When my work is done God will bring me home. I will be completely transformed and redeemed. God has begun a work in me and will complete it. I have been redeemed. I can live knowing that it is finished.

Times and moments like these when I let God turn on the light are the best times of my life. I am filled with so much joy and excitement, because I know and dwell in the Grace of God. I turn from this filth. I turn from these evil secrets and I take a step towards the light and the closer I get the more alive I feel. I am being resurrected and I can not wait to be completed. My corruption and sin is paid for and I am satisfied now in dwelling in God's Grace. It is so amazing to know that the true reality of life is that all is broken and that all has fallen short except for Jesus Christ who perfectly lived and brokenly died a sinners death that should of been me, but instead was Him. Amen!