We all have an addiction. Some addictions can be seen by the naked eye and some are hidden secretly away. Some people know they are addicted and some people do not. This is the scary part. There are people that have no idea that they are hooked. Now I am not just talking about drugs, porn, and alcohol; I am talking about the secret addictions. The ones that no one knows about and the ones that we may not even know ourselves. These addictions are even harder to fight because they are not outside ourselves, but they are ourselves.
A lot of the outside addictions result from the inside addictions. The outside addictions can even be a cover up of our deep inner addictions. We hide behind the outside addictions when the real problem is inside. The catch is that we do not even realize that we are hiding. We think that we are being so open and honest with these outside addictions like alcohol, porn, drugs, etc... that we are really blinded by them. We only see it because others have seen it and have brought it to light. To me the outside addictions are not as serious as the inside addictions. These inside addictions are interwoven with who we are and the only way to be freed of them is to die to ourselves.
The inside addictions are what we base our decisions off of and how we make choices. The inside is what results on the outside, but in so many ways we use the outside to hide, because we can just say, "I am addicted to this substance or this thing etc." Now this is a very bold statement and it takes a lot of guts to say it. I know personally that it has taken me a long time for me to come clean about my own outside addictions with friends and family. It is really hard to make that statement, because it is honest. Also it makes you vulnerable and gives people an inside look to your sin and corruption. I think that everyone that struggles with an outside addiction should at some point come clean about it with an accountability partner or an older friend that can help you through it. Although this is an honest statement, I believe that it is not completely true, but it is what we believe is true at the time. What we really should say is, "I am addicted to myself and as a result I do this and this..."
Self addiction is something that I have just become aware of. I have been blown away by how sneaky and secretive it has been and I am so thankful that the Lord has brought it to light. What I have realized is that the reasons why I was addicted on the outside was due to the fact that I was putting myself first. I was saying that what I need to give me comfort and self worth were these outside addictions. I valued my own comfort and self well being over God. I put myself first and God second and as a result I have become addicted to meeting my own needs through my own selfishness. Every addiction derives from this main point that we believe we know what is best for ourselves and therefore do what we think will make us happy. Unfortunately we have no idea what is best and as a result of our own corruption we develop more and more addictions. Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, because they thought that this fruit would better their well being. They were wrong and so were we.
The crazy thing is that we use the results of our inside addictions as cover ups. We try so hard to beat them and destroy them and we trust God with them, but we don't trust God with ourselves. We know that porn, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, caffeine, eating, not-eating, candy, video games, money, self righteousness and etc... are all wrong in excess, but what we don't realize is that these things are a result of us choosing them based on the fact that we believe that these things will bring us satisfaction. We make these choices because we are selfish and we want to meet our needs the way we think is right, but we are so wrong.
For a long time I have been fighting my outside addiction and God has been teaching me so much through it and finally has pointed out through my outside addiction that I have an inside addiction to myself. I value myself more than God. Even in my own spiritual walk I have made choices based off of my well being and not based off bringing Glory to God. Half the time I go to church to just feel good about myself. I go on retreats for myself. I am involved in ministry for myself. Really I should be doing all of these things not with the intention of bettering myself, but with the intention of bringing Glory to God and as a result of this I will find that all my insecurities and needs are met through Christ. What I am trying to say is that I make selfish choices even in my own spiritual walk. I only do what makes me feel good in my walk. I feel good when I go to church. I feel good when I worship. I would not do these things if they did not feel good and this is what God has convicted me with. For instance there is a Father and a Son. Whenever the Father comes home from work his Son runs up and gives him a big hug then the Father gives his Son a candy. Every day the Father gave his Son a candy after the big hug, but one day the Father did not give his Son a candy after the hug when he got home. The next day when the Father came home his Son was no where to be seen. The Son was in the living room watching television and he clearly knew that his Father was home, but he did not run up and give him a big hug, because he thought his Father did not have any candy. Right there is the story of my relationship with God. When I stop feeling good (candy) I stop. The candy is what I am after. I am after the feel good moment. This breaks my heart, because I am not seeking God, because I love Him and want to bring Glory and Honor to Him, but I am seeking God for myself. If God has no candy for me then God is not getting a hug. This reveals my inner addiction to myself. I can only imagine how much this breaks God's heart, but it is true and you know what, God has His hands wide open and He is waiting for the big hug. I know that God will continue to be faithful to me even when I am not. It takes time to work through an addiction and God is working through this addiction with me and even when I do not give Him a hug he continues to love me by hugging me no matter how messy I am.
So there is my problem... I am hooked on me. Due to valuing my well being over pursuing my purpose of bringing Glory to God I have developed deep wounds in my very soul. These wounds are messy and have been infected, because they were not treated properly. Now I need to reopen them and bring them to the great physician. I need to let Him tend to them and clean them out so that I may no longer be infected, but clean. When I surrender myself to God's will and His plan I die to my sinful flesh that wants to meet my selfish desires. I die to my flesh like Christ died on the cross and I have been given new life like Christ who rose from the grave. In Christ I can be free of my inside addictions and outside addictions. I can be free of my flesh! I can be free of myself that ensnares me in death! Amen to life in Christ! Amen to freedom in the Lord! My hope is in Holy One of Israel who brought me out of my slavery and has brought me into His Promise Land. To Him Be the Glory and Honor forever and ever! AMEN.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Unknown
There is a picture being painted. A design being constructed. A plan being accomplished. A story is being told. There is only one writer, one artist, and only one God. He is the only one who understands, comprehends, designs, creates, and He is the only one who sees the big picture. He is the only one who knows how the pieces fit.
Look into the sky and see the stars. Look into the heavens and see how majestic God is. Psalm 8:3-4 says, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" I ask the same question so many times, "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Man is a worm in need of a savior like it says in Isaiah 41:14, "'Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you', declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."
Man is sinful, "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23)." "We[man] were by nature objects of wrath (Ephesians 2:3b)" and even our good works are like filthy rags, "All of us[man] become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6)."
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes (Romans 3:10-18)."
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)." While we were unrighteous, Christ died for us. While we never understood, Christ died for us. While we never sought after Him, Christ died for us. While we turned away, Christ died for us. While we were evil, Christ died for us. While we were deceitful, Christ died for us. While we cursed and hated, Christ died for us. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8b)." "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification (Romans 4:25)."
The truth is that we are sinners. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)." In Christ Jesus our Lord we find life. In Him alone can we ever be satisfied. "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)." In Christ we find rest and in Christ we find hope. In Christ we find love, "We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)." Our lives are a response to the love of Christ. We act out of love not out of our own love, but out of the love of Christ. We are incapable of anything good unless it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Man was created from dust and to dust we will return, but from dust we were created in the image of God. We are His children, born again into the body of Christ. Our purpose is to bring the glory of God to this planet, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)." We are the ambassadors of Christ and we are called to go out and make disciples of many nations, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19)" That is our call as children of God.
When God looks at us He does not see us, but He sees Christ. He sees pure and Holy people walking in the light of His love and bringing an end to darkness across the world. We are the light of the world and salt of the earth. Wherever we go by the way we live we proclaim His name. Every second of our days are an act of continuous worship to the King. We are the bride, the bride that God has so long been waiting for. So why does God love us? We are made in His image and we are His bride and we are His children and we bring Glory to His name and we are His ambassadors and we are His followers and we are a result of Him first loving us. The complexity of God's love for us incomprehensible. We will never know fully why He loves us and we will never be able to see all the ways He has loved us.
We are a part of a picture. God has written us into His story and He is constantly with us. He is a loving father and He will never abandon us. We have been called by Him and if we listen we will find eternal life. We will find true love. God's ways are higher than our own and even though we still wonder how God could love us when we are so sinful, we just have to trust that He has all the answers. We will never be able to fully understand God until heaven, but as children of God we need to have perspective. Since the beginning of time God had us in mind. He knew what we would be and how we would live. He raised up people to influence us and play a role in our lives. He brought us into existence and He will bring us home. We never need to worry about the unknown, because God knows. He is the one who invented the universe and the laws of motion and gravity. He designed it all and He is outside of them. Creation can not comprehend the ways of the creator, because the creator is greater. God is greater. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
What I am trying to say through all of this is that I trust God, because His ways our greater. Why would I trust myself, creation, when I can trust God, creator? Also I trust God because I am fallen. I need Him constantly to supply me life. Without Him I would be nothing it is only in Christ that I live. He is the breath of life and in Him I find streams of living water. He guides me through the valley of the shadow of death and He protects me from the evil one. He is the good shepherd that has gone after me. He has found me and is bringing me home. After all of this I still find it hard to trust God. I find it hard, because of my own blindness. At times I feel like I can surrender it all for Him, but then there are times when I keep parts of my life from Him for my own comfort, but in time He brings it to light. God is patient with me and He loves me this I know through His son. I am His creation and I am made in His image. I trust in Him, because I know that He has a plan for me, a plan with a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29). His ways are greater than mine and even though the world says no to His ways I will not conform to them, because I choose to be transformed by His grace (Romans 12). I choose to be a servant of God rather than a slave to sin. Even though I can't see the big picture I still want to be a part of His picture and I want to be a part of his plan, because I know the truth and that is He loves me! So onward into the unknown I go... in complete trust and faith I take a step!
Look into the sky and see the stars. Look into the heavens and see how majestic God is. Psalm 8:3-4 says, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" I ask the same question so many times, "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Man is a worm in need of a savior like it says in Isaiah 41:14, "'Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you', declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."
Man is sinful, "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23)." "We[man] were by nature objects of wrath (Ephesians 2:3b)" and even our good works are like filthy rags, "All of us[man] become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6)."
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes (Romans 3:10-18)."
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)." While we were unrighteous, Christ died for us. While we never understood, Christ died for us. While we never sought after Him, Christ died for us. While we turned away, Christ died for us. While we were evil, Christ died for us. While we were deceitful, Christ died for us. While we cursed and hated, Christ died for us. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8b)." "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification (Romans 4:25)."
The truth is that we are sinners. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)." In Christ Jesus our Lord we find life. In Him alone can we ever be satisfied. "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)." In Christ we find rest and in Christ we find hope. In Christ we find love, "We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)." Our lives are a response to the love of Christ. We act out of love not out of our own love, but out of the love of Christ. We are incapable of anything good unless it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Man was created from dust and to dust we will return, but from dust we were created in the image of God. We are His children, born again into the body of Christ. Our purpose is to bring the glory of God to this planet, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)." We are the ambassadors of Christ and we are called to go out and make disciples of many nations, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19)" That is our call as children of God.
When God looks at us He does not see us, but He sees Christ. He sees pure and Holy people walking in the light of His love and bringing an end to darkness across the world. We are the light of the world and salt of the earth. Wherever we go by the way we live we proclaim His name. Every second of our days are an act of continuous worship to the King. We are the bride, the bride that God has so long been waiting for. So why does God love us? We are made in His image and we are His bride and we are His children and we bring Glory to His name and we are His ambassadors and we are His followers and we are a result of Him first loving us. The complexity of God's love for us incomprehensible. We will never know fully why He loves us and we will never be able to see all the ways He has loved us.
We are a part of a picture. God has written us into His story and He is constantly with us. He is a loving father and He will never abandon us. We have been called by Him and if we listen we will find eternal life. We will find true love. God's ways are higher than our own and even though we still wonder how God could love us when we are so sinful, we just have to trust that He has all the answers. We will never be able to fully understand God until heaven, but as children of God we need to have perspective. Since the beginning of time God had us in mind. He knew what we would be and how we would live. He raised up people to influence us and play a role in our lives. He brought us into existence and He will bring us home. We never need to worry about the unknown, because God knows. He is the one who invented the universe and the laws of motion and gravity. He designed it all and He is outside of them. Creation can not comprehend the ways of the creator, because the creator is greater. God is greater. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
What I am trying to say through all of this is that I trust God, because His ways our greater. Why would I trust myself, creation, when I can trust God, creator? Also I trust God because I am fallen. I need Him constantly to supply me life. Without Him I would be nothing it is only in Christ that I live. He is the breath of life and in Him I find streams of living water. He guides me through the valley of the shadow of death and He protects me from the evil one. He is the good shepherd that has gone after me. He has found me and is bringing me home. After all of this I still find it hard to trust God. I find it hard, because of my own blindness. At times I feel like I can surrender it all for Him, but then there are times when I keep parts of my life from Him for my own comfort, but in time He brings it to light. God is patient with me and He loves me this I know through His son. I am His creation and I am made in His image. I trust in Him, because I know that He has a plan for me, a plan with a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29). His ways are greater than mine and even though the world says no to His ways I will not conform to them, because I choose to be transformed by His grace (Romans 12). I choose to be a servant of God rather than a slave to sin. Even though I can't see the big picture I still want to be a part of His picture and I want to be a part of his plan, because I know the truth and that is He loves me! So onward into the unknown I go... in complete trust and faith I take a step!
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