A Call to Lose

I have a calling on my life. I hear it loud and clear, but I am completely terrified by it. God has placed this calling on my life and I am scared out of my mind. I am worried about what will happen? What will become of me? How will I be able to survive? Honestly, I am scared and I do not have what it takes to accept this calling.

God has called me to give it all up. He has called me to surrender everything. He has called me to leave everything behind and follow Him. He has called me to give up my reputation, my family, my friends, my comforts, my desires, my dreams and to lay them all down and follow. When I hear this calling I am reminded of Philippians 1:21 "To live is Christ and to die is gain." God has called me to die to myself and to live for Christ.

This sounds awesome and exciting and renewing, but the truth is that I am very hesitant to accept this call on my life. I am hesitant, because I am afraid of dying to this worldly life that seems to have so much to offer. I want to have a family. I want to get married. I want to finish college. I want to have a house. I want to have a truck and I want to live the way that I think is best. I am not ready to throw all of these dreams away and follow God. It is hard to be so honest with myself, but I have to. I have to face the truth. I just am not ready. I feel like I can relate a lot to the story that is in Matthew 19 and here is an excerpt from the chapter:

A man came to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to have eternal life?"

Jesus said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? Only God is good. If you want to have eternal life, you must obey his commandments."

"Which ones?" the man asked.

Jesus answered, "Do not murder. Be faithful in marriage. Do not steal. Do not tell lies about others. Respect your father and mother. And love others as much as you love yourself." The young man said, "I have obeyed all of these. What else must I do?"

Jesus replied, "If you want to be perfect, go sell everything you own! Give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven. Then come and be my follower." When the young man heard this, he was sad, because he was very rich.

Jesus said to his disciple, "It's terribly hard for rich people to get into the kingdom of heaven! In fact, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into God's kingdom."

When the disciples heard this, they were greatly surprised and asked, "How can anyone ever be saved?"

Jesus looked straight at them and said, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything."

Peter replied, "Remember, we have left everything to be your followers! What will we get?"

Jesus answered: Yes, all of you have become my followers. And so in the future world, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, I promise that you will sit on twelve thrones to judge the twelve tribes of Israel. All who have given up home or brothers and sisters or father and mother or children or land for me will be given a hundred times as much. They will also have eternal life. But many who are now first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

I relate to this rich young man. I feel like God is saying, "Michael to have eternal life and to be with me you have to give it all away and follow me!" Then I react the same way that the rich man reacts and become sad, because I know the truth about my corrupt heart. I know that I am rich in many things and I know that it is going to be very hard for me to sell everything I own and follow God. The great thing is that the passage continues and the disciples ask, "How can anyone be saved?" Then Jesus replies and says, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything!" This is what I am clinging to! I am clinging to the fact that I cannot do this! I cannot give it all up and follow God! This calling on my life is impossible for me to accomplish, but my hope is in Christ! My hope is that God will do the impossible! My hope is that God will be strong in my struggle! My hope is that in my weakness, God will be glorified! I am excited to engage this call and to take it on! I am excited, because I know that it is going to be all God! At the same time I am scared out of my mind, but I know the truth. The truth is that God can do anything! So I accept this challenge despite me inabilities! I accept this challenge despite my fear!


I know that God is going to take care of me. I know that He is going to provide for me. It even says that God will give me a hundred times what I have lost AND eternal life. I know that He will give me what I need, but the problem is that I don't believe it. Honestly, I do not truly believe that God can do this. It is hard for me to say that, because it shows me how much I am faking and pretending with God. It shows me that I am not being authentic in relationship with God. It shows me that I am not truly accepting of the blood that was spilled out for me. Convicted and accused of self-righteousness, I embrace this accusation and today I make a choice to bring it to God as real and true as possible. God this is my heart. This is the ugly truth and I am need of you! Here are the charges against me: I am holding on to this world, I value material and worldly things more than You, I believe that I can do it on my own, I am self-righteous, I am prideful, I am arrogant, I am stubborn, I am holding on to my worldly life and I am a sinner! God I hear the case against my life, the case that binds me to death, but I pray that you will change my heart. Give me a heart that will embrace Your Grace! I need it more than anything and I realize it more than ever! You have convicted me and have revealed to me the darkness in my heart. I give it up God! You can have it all! I am Yours and no one else! I am willing to lose this worldly life to find eternal life with you! I can see now that this transaction is completely worth it! Why do I hold on to this life when it is so messed up? Why do I depend on myself when I am completely useless? I am hopeless in and of myself! God you are hope! You can do anything and I believe You can even change me!

God please help me to believe this. Help me to understand that you are in control of all things! Help me to follow you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. God I do not want to be like the rich young man, but I want to be like your disciples who gave everything up to follow You. God help me to accept your calling and engage it with all my heart. God this calling is something that I can not do or accomplish, but requires your complete and amazing Grace for it to be done. It requires the acceptance of the fact that only by your Grace can this be done. I am excited to see what You are going to do. I am excited to see how you are going to change me. I can not wait! Lastly, I pray that you will bring me to my knees in complete surrender and in complete acceptance of Your Grace. I pray that Matthew 10:39 will become real to me in a whole new way, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." AMEN