Let's be honest... who really likes praying?
We pray before meals and we pray before we go to bed. We pray when we are in need and we pray when we are in church, but what is prayer? Is it a conversation or is it a self awareness effort? Is it about talking to God or is it talking to yourself? In so many ways, I fear that most of my prayers are, honestly, just me talking to myself.
I like to pray at night before I go to sleep. Most of the time I find myself late at night looking up at the ceiling and murmuring a few words to God or at least that is what I think. Every time it has the same flow, pattern, rhythm and tone. It always goes something like this, "Dear God, thanks for this and that... thanks for all that you do... Lord I need this and that... Amen." It has the same outline and direction and truthfully my prayer is one way... "me" talking. There is no "me" listening.
I have been told many times that prayer is a conversation between us and God, but I never treat it like that. I never pray as if someone is listening and I never pray as if God is talking back to me. It is always me talking to God in a way that is impersonal and distant. Honestly, I talk to God in a format that I have inherited through listening to other people pray. Have you ever noticed how people pray in group settings? The people that pray out loud sound like they are directing their words more towards the group than the living God. The truth is that most of the time when we pray we are just talking to ourselves.
Now this might sound horrible, but it is true in my life, whenever I hear about prayer gatherings and prayer meetings it is rare that I ever get excited about them. When I am invited to these prayer events I am always like wow... really... like who wants to just sit in a room and talk... it is so boring... it is so fake and truthfully it just feels weird. I usually get guilt tripped into going to these kind of events, because I don't have a heart of prayer. It is unfortunate, but deep down inside I believe that when I pray the only thing that I am talking to is the ceiling.
Well I believe that I have grown up with a skewed and altered view of prayer. I believe that I have learned the incredible gift of self talking. Most people would call this insanity and it is. I literately talk to myself when I pray, but what I should be doing is talking to God. It is so funny to think about the way I pray. If I look closely I notice that when I pray everything about me changes... the way I talk... the way I say things... how I say them... and how my vocabulary suddenly decreases to a few words of "thanks", "Lord", "God", "need", "I pray", blah... blah... blah... I never talk like this in real life and honestly I would hate listening to myself pray, because it sounds so fake and this is a reason why I dread praying, because I am so impersonal when I do pray.
When I pray it is like putting a tape recorder on and replaying it day after day and if God is lucky I might switch it up some weeks or even some months. I can only imagine what God must think when he hears my tape recorder turn on, "Oh boy hear goes, Michael, the kid that has been saying the same thing over and over again for the past 20 years... I just hope tonight is not one of those prayer gathering things where literately hear him play his tape over and over again." This is just a joke, God probably doesn't really think that and I know He loves me dearly, but let's be real my acts of prayer are pretty impersonal and fake.
I pray like God lives a million miles away and I pray like He is not really there. Even in group settings I notice that when I pray out loud that I am not really talking to God, but I am talking to the people that are around. It is so funny to see my habitual prayer life turned inside out to reveal the honest truth of what I think about prayer. In my heart I personally think prayer is lame. This needs to change and will as God continues to transform my life.
Now let's think about the way God talks to us as His children. It is not typically with audible words and visible contact, but more in an every moment kind of communication. All around me God is trying to seize my moments and seize my time. He is constantly trying to connect with me and reach out to me. He does this in many ways like in creation or in relationships. God is orchestrating and moving everything together in a beautiful symphony to just communicate with me, but I don't listen. I shut out His words, with fake and impersonal words of prayer. I interrupt Him with my own agenda and I do it my way rather than His way. I am so busy and caught up in the grand scheme of "me" that I completely miss "HIM". I moan and groan and complain about talking to Him, because I tell Him He never talks back. I always say, "God I don't like praying because you never say anything back." This statement probably makes Him laugh, because He knows that I have completely missed Him... the biggest deal on the face of the Universe I have missed.
You see God is the creator. He is the beginning and the end. He spoke the world into being. He created the unknown and the known and He wrote the laws that keep us together. He designed the molecules and organized the atoms. He designed gravity and fueled the sun. He knows everything from start to finish. He is all powerful and the conqueror of death and life. He is the One and only God and He is everywhere pressing His imprint upon everything. I just happen to miss it, because I only see myself, which in the grand scheme of God is pretty small.
So there is this great and powerful and awesome God that I believe in my deepest of hearts is not near me or at least not close enough to hear me and even if he hears me He doesn't listen and even if He listen He doesn't speak. Now this is ridiculous and insanity. If God is all that He is then I am a fool and unfortunately I am a fool. I foolishly fooled myself into believing that prayer is about me and that prayer is only limited to words. The truth is that prayer is communication with God and it is a conversation with the Creator of the World. God is everywhere and He is moving and living in me and around me. When I pray I should not only pray with words, but with my life. Every moment of my existence should be a constant surrender to my dependency in God and isn't this what prayer is all about... depending on God.... talking to Him, because you need Him... communicating with Him, because you are lost without Him.
I would argue that prayer has been put into a box not only in my own life, but in the Church. Prayer has been limited to just words, but God does not just communicate with us through words. God communicates with us through every moment in our lives, the problem is that we miss Him most of the time, because we are looking for Him to communicate with us just with words. We are looking, but we are not seeing. So open your eyes and see the light. It is shining all around through the lives of His people, through the design of His creation, through the movement of time and through everything... everywhere... everyday... God is speaking!
So don't just pray before bed or before meals, but pray in every moment. Don't just press play on the tape recorder, but press play on your life and speak from it. Don't believe the lie that God is not here, because He is. Don't go through life missing Him, because you won't listen.
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." Luke 18:1
"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." Ephesians 6:18
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
"But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit." Jude 1:20
"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." Colossians 4:2
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
It just seems like I have missed it when it comes to prayer. I have limited prayer when it is incapable of being limited, because God is limitless. I am excited and inspired now to continue my life in prayer. To not only pray before I go to sleep, but to pray in every moment of my life. To not only hear God in Church, but to hear Him in every second of my existence. It is exciting to know the truth. It is exciting to live in the truth and it is exciting to hear the truth.
So let's be honest... I think I like praying!
