We all have an addiction. Some addictions can be seen by the naked eye and some are hidden secretly away. Some people know they are addicted and some people do not. This is the scary part. There are people that have no idea that they are hooked. Now I am not just talking about drugs, porn, and alcohol; I am talking about the secret addictions. The ones that no one knows about and the ones that we may not even know ourselves. These addictions are even harder to fight because they are not outside ourselves, but they are ourselves.
A lot of the outside addictions result from the inside addictions. The outside addictions can even be a cover up of our deep inner addictions. We hide behind the outside addictions when the real problem is inside. The catch is that we do not even realize that we are hiding. We think that we are being so open and honest with these outside addictions like alcohol, porn, drugs, etc... that we are really blinded by them. We only see it because others have seen it and have brought it to light. To me the outside addictions are not as serious as the inside addictions. These inside addictions are interwoven with who we are and the only way to be freed of them is to die to ourselves.
The inside addictions are what we base our decisions off of and how we make choices. The inside is what results on the outside, but in so many ways we use the outside to hide, because we can just say, "I am addicted to this substance or this thing etc." Now this is a very bold statement and it takes a lot of guts to say it. I know personally that it has taken me a long time for me to come clean about my own outside addictions with friends and family. It is really hard to make that statement, because it is honest. Also it makes you vulnerable and gives people an inside look to your sin and corruption. I think that everyone that struggles with an outside addiction should at some point come clean about it with an accountability partner or an older friend that can help you through it. Although this is an honest statement, I believe that it is not completely true, but it is what we believe is true at the time. What we really should say is, "I am addicted to myself and as a result I do this and this..."
Self addiction is something that I have just become aware of. I have been blown away by how sneaky and secretive it has been and I am so thankful that the Lord has brought it to light. What I have realized is that the reasons why I was addicted on the outside was due to the fact that I was putting myself first. I was saying that what I need to give me comfort and self worth were these outside addictions. I valued my own comfort and self well being over God. I put myself first and God second and as a result I have become addicted to meeting my own needs through my own selfishness. Every addiction derives from this main point that we believe we know what is best for ourselves and therefore do what we think will make us happy. Unfortunately we have no idea what is best and as a result of our own corruption we develop more and more addictions. Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, because they thought that this fruit would better their well being. They were wrong and so were we.
The crazy thing is that we use the results of our inside addictions as cover ups. We try so hard to beat them and destroy them and we trust God with them, but we don't trust God with ourselves. We know that porn, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, caffeine, eating, not-eating, candy, video games, money, self righteousness and etc... are all wrong in excess, but what we don't realize is that these things are a result of us choosing them based on the fact that we believe that these things will bring us satisfaction. We make these choices because we are selfish and we want to meet our needs the way we think is right, but we are so wrong.
For a long time I have been fighting my outside addiction and God has been teaching me so much through it and finally has pointed out through my outside addiction that I have an inside addiction to myself. I value myself more than God. Even in my own spiritual walk I have made choices based off of my well being and not based off bringing Glory to God. Half the time I go to church to just feel good about myself. I go on retreats for myself. I am involved in ministry for myself. Really I should be doing all of these things not with the intention of bettering myself, but with the intention of bringing Glory to God and as a result of this I will find that all my insecurities and needs are met through Christ. What I am trying to say is that I make selfish choices even in my own spiritual walk. I only do what makes me feel good in my walk. I feel good when I go to church. I feel good when I worship. I would not do these things if they did not feel good and this is what God has convicted me with. For instance there is a Father and a Son. Whenever the Father comes home from work his Son runs up and gives him a big hug then the Father gives his Son a candy. Every day the Father gave his Son a candy after the big hug, but one day the Father did not give his Son a candy after the hug when he got home. The next day when the Father came home his Son was no where to be seen. The Son was in the living room watching television and he clearly knew that his Father was home, but he did not run up and give him a big hug, because he thought his Father did not have any candy. Right there is the story of my relationship with God. When I stop feeling good (candy) I stop. The candy is what I am after. I am after the feel good moment. This breaks my heart, because I am not seeking God, because I love Him and want to bring Glory and Honor to Him, but I am seeking God for myself. If God has no candy for me then God is not getting a hug. This reveals my inner addiction to myself. I can only imagine how much this breaks God's heart, but it is true and you know what, God has His hands wide open and He is waiting for the big hug. I know that God will continue to be faithful to me even when I am not. It takes time to work through an addiction and God is working through this addiction with me and even when I do not give Him a hug he continues to love me by hugging me no matter how messy I am.
So there is my problem... I am hooked on me. Due to valuing my well being over pursuing my purpose of bringing Glory to God I have developed deep wounds in my very soul. These wounds are messy and have been infected, because they were not treated properly. Now I need to reopen them and bring them to the great physician. I need to let Him tend to them and clean them out so that I may no longer be infected, but clean. When I surrender myself to God's will and His plan I die to my sinful flesh that wants to meet my selfish desires. I die to my flesh like Christ died on the cross and I have been given new life like Christ who rose from the grave. In Christ I can be free of my inside addictions and outside addictions. I can be free of my flesh! I can be free of myself that ensnares me in death! Amen to life in Christ! Amen to freedom in the Lord! My hope is in Holy One of Israel who brought me out of my slavery and has brought me into His Promise Land. To Him Be the Glory and Honor forever and ever! AMEN.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Unknown
There is a picture being painted. A design being constructed. A plan being accomplished. A story is being told. There is only one writer, one artist, and only one God. He is the only one who understands, comprehends, designs, creates, and He is the only one who sees the big picture. He is the only one who knows how the pieces fit.
Look into the sky and see the stars. Look into the heavens and see how majestic God is. Psalm 8:3-4 says, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" I ask the same question so many times, "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Man is a worm in need of a savior like it says in Isaiah 41:14, "'Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you', declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."
Man is sinful, "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23)." "We[man] were by nature objects of wrath (Ephesians 2:3b)" and even our good works are like filthy rags, "All of us[man] become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6)."
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes (Romans 3:10-18)."
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)." While we were unrighteous, Christ died for us. While we never understood, Christ died for us. While we never sought after Him, Christ died for us. While we turned away, Christ died for us. While we were evil, Christ died for us. While we were deceitful, Christ died for us. While we cursed and hated, Christ died for us. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8b)." "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification (Romans 4:25)."
The truth is that we are sinners. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)." In Christ Jesus our Lord we find life. In Him alone can we ever be satisfied. "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)." In Christ we find rest and in Christ we find hope. In Christ we find love, "We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)." Our lives are a response to the love of Christ. We act out of love not out of our own love, but out of the love of Christ. We are incapable of anything good unless it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Man was created from dust and to dust we will return, but from dust we were created in the image of God. We are His children, born again into the body of Christ. Our purpose is to bring the glory of God to this planet, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)." We are the ambassadors of Christ and we are called to go out and make disciples of many nations, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19)" That is our call as children of God.
When God looks at us He does not see us, but He sees Christ. He sees pure and Holy people walking in the light of His love and bringing an end to darkness across the world. We are the light of the world and salt of the earth. Wherever we go by the way we live we proclaim His name. Every second of our days are an act of continuous worship to the King. We are the bride, the bride that God has so long been waiting for. So why does God love us? We are made in His image and we are His bride and we are His children and we bring Glory to His name and we are His ambassadors and we are His followers and we are a result of Him first loving us. The complexity of God's love for us incomprehensible. We will never know fully why He loves us and we will never be able to see all the ways He has loved us.
We are a part of a picture. God has written us into His story and He is constantly with us. He is a loving father and He will never abandon us. We have been called by Him and if we listen we will find eternal life. We will find true love. God's ways are higher than our own and even though we still wonder how God could love us when we are so sinful, we just have to trust that He has all the answers. We will never be able to fully understand God until heaven, but as children of God we need to have perspective. Since the beginning of time God had us in mind. He knew what we would be and how we would live. He raised up people to influence us and play a role in our lives. He brought us into existence and He will bring us home. We never need to worry about the unknown, because God knows. He is the one who invented the universe and the laws of motion and gravity. He designed it all and He is outside of them. Creation can not comprehend the ways of the creator, because the creator is greater. God is greater. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
What I am trying to say through all of this is that I trust God, because His ways our greater. Why would I trust myself, creation, when I can trust God, creator? Also I trust God because I am fallen. I need Him constantly to supply me life. Without Him I would be nothing it is only in Christ that I live. He is the breath of life and in Him I find streams of living water. He guides me through the valley of the shadow of death and He protects me from the evil one. He is the good shepherd that has gone after me. He has found me and is bringing me home. After all of this I still find it hard to trust God. I find it hard, because of my own blindness. At times I feel like I can surrender it all for Him, but then there are times when I keep parts of my life from Him for my own comfort, but in time He brings it to light. God is patient with me and He loves me this I know through His son. I am His creation and I am made in His image. I trust in Him, because I know that He has a plan for me, a plan with a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29). His ways are greater than mine and even though the world says no to His ways I will not conform to them, because I choose to be transformed by His grace (Romans 12). I choose to be a servant of God rather than a slave to sin. Even though I can't see the big picture I still want to be a part of His picture and I want to be a part of his plan, because I know the truth and that is He loves me! So onward into the unknown I go... in complete trust and faith I take a step!
Look into the sky and see the stars. Look into the heavens and see how majestic God is. Psalm 8:3-4 says, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" I ask the same question so many times, "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Man is a worm in need of a savior like it says in Isaiah 41:14, "'Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you', declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."
Man is sinful, "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23)." "We[man] were by nature objects of wrath (Ephesians 2:3b)" and even our good works are like filthy rags, "All of us[man] become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6)."
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes (Romans 3:10-18)."
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)." While we were unrighteous, Christ died for us. While we never understood, Christ died for us. While we never sought after Him, Christ died for us. While we turned away, Christ died for us. While we were evil, Christ died for us. While we were deceitful, Christ died for us. While we cursed and hated, Christ died for us. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8b)." "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification (Romans 4:25)."
The truth is that we are sinners. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)." In Christ Jesus our Lord we find life. In Him alone can we ever be satisfied. "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)." In Christ we find rest and in Christ we find hope. In Christ we find love, "We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)." Our lives are a response to the love of Christ. We act out of love not out of our own love, but out of the love of Christ. We are incapable of anything good unless it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Man was created from dust and to dust we will return, but from dust we were created in the image of God. We are His children, born again into the body of Christ. Our purpose is to bring the glory of God to this planet, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)." We are the ambassadors of Christ and we are called to go out and make disciples of many nations, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19)" That is our call as children of God.
When God looks at us He does not see us, but He sees Christ. He sees pure and Holy people walking in the light of His love and bringing an end to darkness across the world. We are the light of the world and salt of the earth. Wherever we go by the way we live we proclaim His name. Every second of our days are an act of continuous worship to the King. We are the bride, the bride that God has so long been waiting for. So why does God love us? We are made in His image and we are His bride and we are His children and we bring Glory to His name and we are His ambassadors and we are His followers and we are a result of Him first loving us. The complexity of God's love for us incomprehensible. We will never know fully why He loves us and we will never be able to see all the ways He has loved us.
We are a part of a picture. God has written us into His story and He is constantly with us. He is a loving father and He will never abandon us. We have been called by Him and if we listen we will find eternal life. We will find true love. God's ways are higher than our own and even though we still wonder how God could love us when we are so sinful, we just have to trust that He has all the answers. We will never be able to fully understand God until heaven, but as children of God we need to have perspective. Since the beginning of time God had us in mind. He knew what we would be and how we would live. He raised up people to influence us and play a role in our lives. He brought us into existence and He will bring us home. We never need to worry about the unknown, because God knows. He is the one who invented the universe and the laws of motion and gravity. He designed it all and He is outside of them. Creation can not comprehend the ways of the creator, because the creator is greater. God is greater. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
What I am trying to say through all of this is that I trust God, because His ways our greater. Why would I trust myself, creation, when I can trust God, creator? Also I trust God because I am fallen. I need Him constantly to supply me life. Without Him I would be nothing it is only in Christ that I live. He is the breath of life and in Him I find streams of living water. He guides me through the valley of the shadow of death and He protects me from the evil one. He is the good shepherd that has gone after me. He has found me and is bringing me home. After all of this I still find it hard to trust God. I find it hard, because of my own blindness. At times I feel like I can surrender it all for Him, but then there are times when I keep parts of my life from Him for my own comfort, but in time He brings it to light. God is patient with me and He loves me this I know through His son. I am His creation and I am made in His image. I trust in Him, because I know that He has a plan for me, a plan with a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29). His ways are greater than mine and even though the world says no to His ways I will not conform to them, because I choose to be transformed by His grace (Romans 12). I choose to be a servant of God rather than a slave to sin. Even though I can't see the big picture I still want to be a part of His picture and I want to be a part of his plan, because I know the truth and that is He loves me! So onward into the unknown I go... in complete trust and faith I take a step!
Monday, July 11, 2011
"He has FAILED!"
A pair of socks, a white bandana, a large t-shirt, some pocket change and 20 minutes later a new brother in Christ. I had given him all I had, but the most important thing I shared with him was my faith.
Dylan was blind in his right eye and in many ways he was blind from half of the Gospel. His body was broken and in many ways he was broken spiritually. Dylan told me that he was like Jonah. He said, “God has called me to do something and I have ran away and I am swallowed by the whale.” He told me that Jesus did not love him and that he had made too many mistakes. He understood his sin and need for a savior, but he could not understand grace.
When I first shared the Gospel with Dylan he did not receive it. I was disappointed and frustrated and I began to walk away from him when he said, “Michael… Michael I am so sorry… Michael I am sorry!” Tears were running down his face and the agony in his eyes made my heart break. I asked him why he was sorry and he said, “Tonight I plan on taking my own life.” Thrown back by the statement I tried to gather my composure. I had no idea what to say or where to start. I was speechless and completely blown away by the pain I saw in this man’s heart. Thankfully, God intervened in His great power and mercy and placed words into my mouth. I shared with him how much God loved him. I shared with Dylan the Gospel again. After sharing the Gospel a second time Dylan reached out his arm and placed it on my shoulder and said, “The devil is out to get me; he has sent his demons upon me and they are attacking me, but tonight he has FAILED!” With that proclamation Dylan embraced me. He was sobbing and with every single breath I could feel all of his worries, pains and fear leave his body. God was victorious over Dylan’s demons. God was victorious and on that night of victory the angels were rejoicing. Praise God for the work He did in Dylan’s life and in mine. From that night on my life has been forever changed.
It is crazy to think that 19 years ago both Dylan and I were born. I was born into a family and he was not. I was born into provision and he was not, but from that first breath we both took on this earth God had already ordained our meeting. God knew that our paths would cross in the Summer of 2011 and He knew that both of us would forever be changed by this encounter. What I want all of you to know is that you played a specific role in this story. When I was talking to Dylan I explained to him that over 50 people had given me financial support and prayer to go on this trip. I explained to him that there are people in America who he has never met that love him. He was moved by this statement and he realized through you and me that God loved him. He realized that God had been at work for over 19 years to raise up people that would invest in bringing him the Gospel. Dylan finally had perspective on God’s extraordinary power. He realized that God had ordained this moment in his life and he seized it with open arms and a full heart. Also I realized too God’s extraordinary power and I realized that Dylan and I are not that different. We both underestimated God’s power, we both doubted His plan, we both have heard his calling and we both struggle with the concept of Grace, but by a miracle of God we met and by God’s awesome power we have been changed.
Dylan was blind in his right eye and in many ways he was blind from half of the Gospel. His body was broken and in many ways he was broken spiritually. Dylan told me that he was like Jonah. He said, “God has called me to do something and I have ran away and I am swallowed by the whale.” He told me that Jesus did not love him and that he had made too many mistakes. He understood his sin and need for a savior, but he could not understand grace.
When I first shared the Gospel with Dylan he did not receive it. I was disappointed and frustrated and I began to walk away from him when he said, “Michael… Michael I am so sorry… Michael I am sorry!” Tears were running down his face and the agony in his eyes made my heart break. I asked him why he was sorry and he said, “Tonight I plan on taking my own life.” Thrown back by the statement I tried to gather my composure. I had no idea what to say or where to start. I was speechless and completely blown away by the pain I saw in this man’s heart. Thankfully, God intervened in His great power and mercy and placed words into my mouth. I shared with him how much God loved him. I shared with Dylan the Gospel again. After sharing the Gospel a second time Dylan reached out his arm and placed it on my shoulder and said, “The devil is out to get me; he has sent his demons upon me and they are attacking me, but tonight he has FAILED!” With that proclamation Dylan embraced me. He was sobbing and with every single breath I could feel all of his worries, pains and fear leave his body. God was victorious over Dylan’s demons. God was victorious and on that night of victory the angels were rejoicing. Praise God for the work He did in Dylan’s life and in mine. From that night on my life has been forever changed.
It is crazy to think that 19 years ago both Dylan and I were born. I was born into a family and he was not. I was born into provision and he was not, but from that first breath we both took on this earth God had already ordained our meeting. God knew that our paths would cross in the Summer of 2011 and He knew that both of us would forever be changed by this encounter. What I want all of you to know is that you played a specific role in this story. When I was talking to Dylan I explained to him that over 50 people had given me financial support and prayer to go on this trip. I explained to him that there are people in America who he has never met that love him. He was moved by this statement and he realized through you and me that God loved him. He realized that God had been at work for over 19 years to raise up people that would invest in bringing him the Gospel. Dylan finally had perspective on God’s extraordinary power. He realized that God had ordained this moment in his life and he seized it with open arms and a full heart. Also I realized too God’s extraordinary power and I realized that Dylan and I are not that different. We both underestimated God’s power, we both doubted His plan, we both have heard his calling and we both struggle with the concept of Grace, but by a miracle of God we met and by God’s awesome power we have been changed.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
South Africa
God is constantly at work. He is at work all over the world. When I was in South Africa I got to experience God's amazing power and unconditional love. To wake up everyday with purpose and vision was awesome. Everyday when I woke up I had a plan and the plan was to serve God and bring Him Glory. I feel like in America I never have vision and I never have a plan. Whenever I am in America it is all about me and my personal needs and comforts, but when I was in South Africa it was all about God and it was the most life giving experience I have ever had.
Everyday in South Africa was life changing and to go from that to sitting on the couch everyday has been really hard. The way I lived in South Africa was incredible and awesome. I lived for God and only God, because He was all I had in South Africa. In America I live for me. I live to better my reputation and my status, because I believe that this will give me life. I have been so convicted of this belief and conception I have. It has been so hard to be honest with myself about this, but its true. I live a selfish life in America and I am so done with it. I am done with always putting myself first and others second. I am done with ignoring the poor and needy. I am so appalled with the way I have lived. It makes me sick to my stomach to see my corrupt heart and selfishness. It just proves how needy I am and how much I need a savior.
I need Jesus everyday. I need the Gospel preached to me daily and in South Africa I got to see the Gospel at work in every second of my life. I got to see God work in my heart and work in my life. I got to see God change my life and the lives of people around me. I got to see people come to know Christ and I got to see people fall in love with Jesus. I felt life being breathed into me daily. I could feel God's love being poured out on me daily. When you are in another country you realize that you need God's constant strength and provision. You realize that the only way you are going to be able to get through the trip is by the Grace of God, because you do not know the language and you do not know the culture. You have no choice, but to allow God complete control over your life.
Since being back in the States I can feel myself once again taking control over my own life. I am back in my comfort zone and I am back into my normal routine. The more comfortable I get the more I feel like I can do life on my own without Jesus. I begin to believe that I can earn my own share in heaven and I begin to believe that I can provide for all my needs. This belief is what slowly eats away at my soul and numbs me to the Gospel. I just came off of a five week trip where the Gospel was more alive in me than ever and it had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with God. I was living in constant surrender to Christ. I understood the need I had for a savior and embraced it with a full heart, but now that I am back in the states I can feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I can feel myself falling back into old habits that have nothing to do with Christ, but have everything to do with me. I do not want this! I do not want to live a life with selfish ambitions and selfish desires! I want to live for Christ! Paul says in Philippians,"To live is Christ and to die is gain!" AMEN to that!
In South Africa I experienced God in a whole new way. I experienced God in a way that I want to bring back to America and to my school. I experienced God, because the Gospel was preached into my life daily. This revealed to me my sin and my needs for Jesus. I experienced God, because of Christ like community. I was living in a community of believers that were going through the same problems as me. They were there for me and listened to me. This community was experiencing the Gospel daily and they were constantly holding me accountable. I experienced God, because of quiet times. Everyday in some way I was in communication with God. In every situation I was dependent on Christ and His grace. I would pray throughout the day and worship throughout the day and be in the word throughout the day. My life was revolving around God and it all starts with Christ. It begins with experiencing the Gospel. Then you need to have a community of believers that challenge you and hold you accountable. A community that encourages you to be in the word and in constant prayer. A community that you can be honest and real with and a community that you can praise God with! The result is a life centered around Christ and when your life revolves around Christ you share about it all the time. You will find yourself talking about Jesus in the most random times. You will find yourself being selfless and focused on the Kingdom of God. You will put others before yourself and you will experience God's constant provision and love. It is amazing! I experienced this in South Africa and I want to live like this for the rest of my life!
Everyday in South Africa was life changing and to go from that to sitting on the couch everyday has been really hard. The way I lived in South Africa was incredible and awesome. I lived for God and only God, because He was all I had in South Africa. In America I live for me. I live to better my reputation and my status, because I believe that this will give me life. I have been so convicted of this belief and conception I have. It has been so hard to be honest with myself about this, but its true. I live a selfish life in America and I am so done with it. I am done with always putting myself first and others second. I am done with ignoring the poor and needy. I am so appalled with the way I have lived. It makes me sick to my stomach to see my corrupt heart and selfishness. It just proves how needy I am and how much I need a savior.
I need Jesus everyday. I need the Gospel preached to me daily and in South Africa I got to see the Gospel at work in every second of my life. I got to see God work in my heart and work in my life. I got to see God change my life and the lives of people around me. I got to see people come to know Christ and I got to see people fall in love with Jesus. I felt life being breathed into me daily. I could feel God's love being poured out on me daily. When you are in another country you realize that you need God's constant strength and provision. You realize that the only way you are going to be able to get through the trip is by the Grace of God, because you do not know the language and you do not know the culture. You have no choice, but to allow God complete control over your life.
Since being back in the States I can feel myself once again taking control over my own life. I am back in my comfort zone and I am back into my normal routine. The more comfortable I get the more I feel like I can do life on my own without Jesus. I begin to believe that I can earn my own share in heaven and I begin to believe that I can provide for all my needs. This belief is what slowly eats away at my soul and numbs me to the Gospel. I just came off of a five week trip where the Gospel was more alive in me than ever and it had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with God. I was living in constant surrender to Christ. I understood the need I had for a savior and embraced it with a full heart, but now that I am back in the states I can feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I can feel myself falling back into old habits that have nothing to do with Christ, but have everything to do with me. I do not want this! I do not want to live a life with selfish ambitions and selfish desires! I want to live for Christ! Paul says in Philippians,"To live is Christ and to die is gain!" AMEN to that!
In South Africa I experienced God in a whole new way. I experienced God in a way that I want to bring back to America and to my school. I experienced God, because the Gospel was preached into my life daily. This revealed to me my sin and my needs for Jesus. I experienced God, because of Christ like community. I was living in a community of believers that were going through the same problems as me. They were there for me and listened to me. This community was experiencing the Gospel daily and they were constantly holding me accountable. I experienced God, because of quiet times. Everyday in some way I was in communication with God. In every situation I was dependent on Christ and His grace. I would pray throughout the day and worship throughout the day and be in the word throughout the day. My life was revolving around God and it all starts with Christ. It begins with experiencing the Gospel. Then you need to have a community of believers that challenge you and hold you accountable. A community that encourages you to be in the word and in constant prayer. A community that you can be honest and real with and a community that you can praise God with! The result is a life centered around Christ and when your life revolves around Christ you share about it all the time. You will find yourself talking about Jesus in the most random times. You will find yourself being selfless and focused on the Kingdom of God. You will put others before yourself and you will experience God's constant provision and love. It is amazing! I experienced this in South Africa and I want to live like this for the rest of my life!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Church
God is Alive! He is living and moving! He is guiding and loving! There is no one like my God!
Attending church in South Africa has been amazing. It has been so cool to see God at work in another country and in another culture. We went to a church this sunday called His People and it was awesome! When we walked in it was like a giant party. The children of God were dancing, shouting, singing, and praising their Father. It was absolutely moving and spiritually awakening. I realized that these people are in love with God. They are filled with joy when they have so little. They give so much praise to God when they barely have anything. This realization gripped my heart. I have so much and yet I barely even sing in church back at home. I barely even start to give God glory and praise for what He has blessed me with. How can this be? How can I be so rich in material wealth, but so poor in the heart at the same time? How can these people be so rich in the heart, but so poor in material wealth? Personally, I would rather be like these people in South Africa. I would rather be poor and desolate, but have unending abundance within my heart. I would rather have nothing, but be able to walk into to church and party, because of God's Grace and Love. I want what they have here. I want there passion and joy. I want there community and I want to be near God. These people are dependant on the Lord and they are in love with Him. It is absolutely beautiful. It is beautiful to see people so engaged in worship and praise and so engaged in the sermon and the word of God.
People in South Africa experience God in such a unique way. God is all they have and Jesus is their only hope. In America I have a home, food, family and a tv. I have so many things and place these things before God. I have a found a new meaning to the quote from Jesus saying, "It is more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle." I used to think that I was not rich and that this did not apply to me, but after being in South Africa I have realized how rich I am and how little I give. These people sell out for the Lord and give Him all the Glory. They understand that this life is not about them, but about bringing God glory. It is so interesting to see how these people see God and it is so convicting to realize how I don't see God. I want to have the faith that these people have and I want to have their passion. They love God so much, because they realize how much God loved them first.
Attending church in South Africa has been amazing. It has been so cool to see God at work in another country and in another culture. We went to a church this sunday called His People and it was awesome! When we walked in it was like a giant party. The children of God were dancing, shouting, singing, and praising their Father. It was absolutely moving and spiritually awakening. I realized that these people are in love with God. They are filled with joy when they have so little. They give so much praise to God when they barely have anything. This realization gripped my heart. I have so much and yet I barely even sing in church back at home. I barely even start to give God glory and praise for what He has blessed me with. How can this be? How can I be so rich in material wealth, but so poor in the heart at the same time? How can these people be so rich in the heart, but so poor in material wealth? Personally, I would rather be like these people in South Africa. I would rather be poor and desolate, but have unending abundance within my heart. I would rather have nothing, but be able to walk into to church and party, because of God's Grace and Love. I want what they have here. I want there passion and joy. I want there community and I want to be near God. These people are dependant on the Lord and they are in love with Him. It is absolutely beautiful. It is beautiful to see people so engaged in worship and praise and so engaged in the sermon and the word of God.
People in South Africa experience God in such a unique way. God is all they have and Jesus is their only hope. In America I have a home, food, family and a tv. I have so many things and place these things before God. I have a found a new meaning to the quote from Jesus saying, "It is more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle." I used to think that I was not rich and that this did not apply to me, but after being in South Africa I have realized how rich I am and how little I give. These people sell out for the Lord and give Him all the Glory. They understand that this life is not about them, but about bringing God glory. It is so interesting to see how these people see God and it is so convicting to realize how I don't see God. I want to have the faith that these people have and I want to have their passion. They love God so much, because they realize how much God loved them first.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Reality
No more wasting. No more sitting. No more nothing. No more letting everything slip. No more free fall. Stand. Grab hold to Truth. Grab hold to what is real!
God is real. His reality is mine. I would have it no other way. If He says I can fly then I will fly. If He says to die then I will die. If He says to go then I will go. No matter the absurdity and no matter the insanity. He is the foundation of logic and the very author of reality. What He says goes no matter what. If He tells the sky to rain gummy bears then the sky will rain gummy bears. If He tells the sea to be still then the sea will be still. If He tells me to go, I say no, I refuse, I resist,I call it ridiculous, I call it insane and I sit and wait for what? nothing...
Absolute nothing waits for me who lays around letting life pass by. My passivity and my rejection of the truth has resulted in pain and hurt. It has left bruises and scars on people's lives that I care so much about. It is the result of someone who has done nothing and I say no more! No more of this laziness. No more of this passivity. No more of the apathy. I care. I care that there are souls that are lost everyday. I care that people are dying daily. I care that there are men and woman sick and broken. I care that there is injustice. I care!
I will go oh God wherever you tell me to go. I will not just go, but I will run. I can not wait for what you have in store for me. I am desperate for your call and I am desperate for your direction. No longer do I want to sit and waste my seconds away. I choose to grab hold to you. I choose to let go of my baggage and cling to you. If the sea can listen and obey then why can't I? If the mountains can move at your command than why can't I move? It is because I do not believe the truth.
I do not believe in who I am. I tell myself daily that I am despicable and worthless. Satan is on my heels to support that accusation. This accusation I do embrace, but I play the ultimate trump when the Judge reads me my sentencing. I accept my shortcomings and mistakes. I accept my failures, insecurity and inabilities, but I cling to Jesus Christ and I shout his name in the court room. The judge hears my plea and he hears my case. "Jesus has paid it all and has washed me as white as snow!", I scream. The judge declares me innocent by the precious blood of Christ.
I am redeemed and I am renewed every single day I wake up. I am a new creation in Christ who has paid it all. I am the beloved, adopted son of God. I have been credited righteousness through the blood of Christ and by His wounds I am healed. No longer do I need to walk in my disgrace. My head is held high with my eyes set on the greater reward. I am loved and I am forgiven. I walk free knowing that all has been restored. There is hope for me and this is what I choose to believe. No more basking in my self pity and my selfishness. I admit to my crimes, but embrace the beautiful sacrifice of Christ.
By His life I can live and walk in faith. By His life I can go and do the work that God has planned for me. By His life I can bring glory to my Father. I have hope in this now and I can not wait to share to the world what God is all about. No more wasting time. No more passivity. No more apathy. It is time for me to live out my life the way God planned. I am tired of letting it all slip by while I sleep. I grab hold to you Oh God. I grab hold to who you are and what you are doing my life. I grab hold to the truth you have revealed to me and I grab hold to the outpouring of grace in my life. I live a life that has been selfish and full of pride. I confess! I confess! I confess! I am yours oh God and yours forever. No one can have me, but you! No one can take me, but you! Take me! Mold me! Love me! I need you now! I need you! I need you! You are all I have! I can never be stolen! You are my reality and I embrace it! No matter what, whatever you say Oh God goes! Your call is the only call!
God is real. His reality is mine. I would have it no other way. If He says I can fly then I will fly. If He says to die then I will die. If He says to go then I will go. No matter the absurdity and no matter the insanity. He is the foundation of logic and the very author of reality. What He says goes no matter what. If He tells the sky to rain gummy bears then the sky will rain gummy bears. If He tells the sea to be still then the sea will be still. If He tells me to go, I say no, I refuse, I resist,I call it ridiculous, I call it insane and I sit and wait for what? nothing...
Absolute nothing waits for me who lays around letting life pass by. My passivity and my rejection of the truth has resulted in pain and hurt. It has left bruises and scars on people's lives that I care so much about. It is the result of someone who has done nothing and I say no more! No more of this laziness. No more of this passivity. No more of the apathy. I care. I care that there are souls that are lost everyday. I care that people are dying daily. I care that there are men and woman sick and broken. I care that there is injustice. I care!
I will go oh God wherever you tell me to go. I will not just go, but I will run. I can not wait for what you have in store for me. I am desperate for your call and I am desperate for your direction. No longer do I want to sit and waste my seconds away. I choose to grab hold to you. I choose to let go of my baggage and cling to you. If the sea can listen and obey then why can't I? If the mountains can move at your command than why can't I move? It is because I do not believe the truth.
I do not believe in who I am. I tell myself daily that I am despicable and worthless. Satan is on my heels to support that accusation. This accusation I do embrace, but I play the ultimate trump when the Judge reads me my sentencing. I accept my shortcomings and mistakes. I accept my failures, insecurity and inabilities, but I cling to Jesus Christ and I shout his name in the court room. The judge hears my plea and he hears my case. "Jesus has paid it all and has washed me as white as snow!", I scream. The judge declares me innocent by the precious blood of Christ.
I am redeemed and I am renewed every single day I wake up. I am a new creation in Christ who has paid it all. I am the beloved, adopted son of God. I have been credited righteousness through the blood of Christ and by His wounds I am healed. No longer do I need to walk in my disgrace. My head is held high with my eyes set on the greater reward. I am loved and I am forgiven. I walk free knowing that all has been restored. There is hope for me and this is what I choose to believe. No more basking in my self pity and my selfishness. I admit to my crimes, but embrace the beautiful sacrifice of Christ.
By His life I can live and walk in faith. By His life I can go and do the work that God has planned for me. By His life I can bring glory to my Father. I have hope in this now and I can not wait to share to the world what God is all about. No more wasting time. No more passivity. No more apathy. It is time for me to live out my life the way God planned. I am tired of letting it all slip by while I sleep. I grab hold to you Oh God. I grab hold to who you are and what you are doing my life. I grab hold to the truth you have revealed to me and I grab hold to the outpouring of grace in my life. I live a life that has been selfish and full of pride. I confess! I confess! I confess! I am yours oh God and yours forever. No one can have me, but you! No one can take me, but you! Take me! Mold me! Love me! I need you now! I need you! I need you! You are all I have! I can never be stolen! You are my reality and I embrace it! No matter what, whatever you say Oh God goes! Your call is the only call!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Fight
I am heavy with sin and worn out by guilt. I am reminded constantly of my broken spirit. I am reminded of my evil flesh. I am reminded of my mistakes and I am burdened by my shame. There is no relief and there is no hope. I can not see the light and I can not see the finish line. My vision is lost and my head is spinning. Confusion invades my unstable mind. I am lost in chaos, screaming for a chance to breathe. I drown in my misery and lay in my sinful debauchery. The sin is unbearable, the weight is incomprehensible and the pain is intolerable. I can not do this! I am incapable!
My life is a fight. My life is a constant struggle. I hear the doubt penetrate my mind. I feel the hopeless depression pump through my veins. I see the weight of my baggage sag below my eyes. In so many ways my life is an empty pit of darkness. In so many ways I lose hope throughout everyday. So many times I just want to throw it all away.
When these thoughts and feelings attack... When these doubts and confusion collide ... When these difficult struggles break into my life... I hold fast to Truth. I hold fast to Love. I hold fast to Grace and I hold fast to God.
When everything seems to be against me and when everything seems to fall apart I cling to God. He is all I have and He is all I need. He is everything. When I am weary my God says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest(Matthew 11:28)." When I am doubtful the Bible says, "Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)." When I am worried God says,"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).'" When I can not fight no more and when I can not even move the Bible says, "For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory (Deuteronomy 20:4)." God fights for me. He fights against my enemies. He is Divine and All-Powerful. He is All-Knowing and Compassionate. He is the creator of the Universe. He is the beginning and the end. Everything in this world begins with God and ends with God. God is the only way.
I would be nothing without my Lord. I would be an empty pit of darkness without God's light shining through me. I would be an empty body if my God did not Love me. I am made whole by the wounds of my Lord. I am completely renewed and transformed by the precious blood of Christ. My life has been redeemed and I can be free from all shame by the sacrifice of my Savior. The war has already been won and victory is mine through Christ.
Life is a battle and a struggle between the darkness of sin and the truth of God. I am constantly finding myself in this battle of how I feel and what I know is true. So many times I feel the hopelessness, but in that moment I need to cling to God's truth. I need to hold firm to His word and surrender to His power. So many times I feel alone, but in that second I need to remind myself of God's Holy Spirit that lives within me. So many times I doubt if God is real, but in that state I need to grab hold to God's unfailing love that has changed my life, which proclaims God's very existence.
I struggle and I fall short, but God raises me up. He reminds me of who I really am. I am a child of God. Holy and righteous in His sight. I am a light to the nations and the salt of the earth. I am the result of Love designed to Glorify God in everything I do. To You be the Glory Oh GOD. To you be the Glory. May my life shine a light that can be seen by many. May people see how Extravagant Your Love truly is. May you use me to do Your work and may you bring me to my knees everyday and remind me of Your Grace. You have delivered me from my sins and have redeemed me through Your blood. I am made new by your wounds and complete by Your Spirit. My life has been restored due to the payment of Your Perfect Life. I am Your Child forever and ever.
I am lite with forgiveness and restored by hope. I am reminded constantly of my completed spirit. I am reminded of my new flesh in heaven. I am reminded of God's Grace and I am relieved by God's love. There is peace and there is hope. I can see the light and I can see the finish line. My vision is found and my head is steady. Peace invades my stable mind. I am no longer lost, singing praises to the God of everything. I breathe in new life and lay in God's amazing Grace. The Hope is awesome, the Grace is amazing and the redemption is beautiful. In Christ all things are possible!
My life is a fight. My life is a constant struggle. I hear the doubt penetrate my mind. I feel the hopeless depression pump through my veins. I see the weight of my baggage sag below my eyes. In so many ways my life is an empty pit of darkness. In so many ways I lose hope throughout everyday. So many times I just want to throw it all away.
When these thoughts and feelings attack... When these doubts and confusion collide ... When these difficult struggles break into my life... I hold fast to Truth. I hold fast to Love. I hold fast to Grace and I hold fast to God.
When everything seems to be against me and when everything seems to fall apart I cling to God. He is all I have and He is all I need. He is everything. When I am weary my God says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest(Matthew 11:28)." When I am doubtful the Bible says, "Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)." When I am worried God says,"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).'" When I can not fight no more and when I can not even move the Bible says, "For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory (Deuteronomy 20:4)." God fights for me. He fights against my enemies. He is Divine and All-Powerful. He is All-Knowing and Compassionate. He is the creator of the Universe. He is the beginning and the end. Everything in this world begins with God and ends with God. God is the only way.
I would be nothing without my Lord. I would be an empty pit of darkness without God's light shining through me. I would be an empty body if my God did not Love me. I am made whole by the wounds of my Lord. I am completely renewed and transformed by the precious blood of Christ. My life has been redeemed and I can be free from all shame by the sacrifice of my Savior. The war has already been won and victory is mine through Christ.
Life is a battle and a struggle between the darkness of sin and the truth of God. I am constantly finding myself in this battle of how I feel and what I know is true. So many times I feel the hopelessness, but in that moment I need to cling to God's truth. I need to hold firm to His word and surrender to His power. So many times I feel alone, but in that second I need to remind myself of God's Holy Spirit that lives within me. So many times I doubt if God is real, but in that state I need to grab hold to God's unfailing love that has changed my life, which proclaims God's very existence.
I struggle and I fall short, but God raises me up. He reminds me of who I really am. I am a child of God. Holy and righteous in His sight. I am a light to the nations and the salt of the earth. I am the result of Love designed to Glorify God in everything I do. To You be the Glory Oh GOD. To you be the Glory. May my life shine a light that can be seen by many. May people see how Extravagant Your Love truly is. May you use me to do Your work and may you bring me to my knees everyday and remind me of Your Grace. You have delivered me from my sins and have redeemed me through Your blood. I am made new by your wounds and complete by Your Spirit. My life has been restored due to the payment of Your Perfect Life. I am Your Child forever and ever.
I am lite with forgiveness and restored by hope. I am reminded constantly of my completed spirit. I am reminded of my new flesh in heaven. I am reminded of God's Grace and I am relieved by God's love. There is peace and there is hope. I can see the light and I can see the finish line. My vision is found and my head is steady. Peace invades my stable mind. I am no longer lost, singing praises to the God of everything. I breathe in new life and lay in God's amazing Grace. The Hope is awesome, the Grace is amazing and the redemption is beautiful. In Christ all things are possible!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
A Call to Lose
I have a calling on my life. I hear it loud and clear, but I am completely terrified by it. God has placed this calling on my life and I am scared out of my mind. I am worried about what will happen? What will become of me? How will I be able to survive? Honestly, I am scared and I do not have what it takes to accept this calling.
God has called me to give it all up. He has called me to surrender everything. He has called me to leave everything behind and follow Him. He has called me to give up my reputation, my family, my friends, my comforts, my desires, my dreams and to lay them all down and follow. When I hear this calling I am reminded of Philippians 1:21 "To live is Christ and to die is gain." God has called me to die to myself and to live for Christ.
This sounds awesome and exciting and renewing, but the truth is that I am very hesitant to accept this call on my life. I am hesitant, because I am afraid of dying to this worldly life that seems to have so much to offer. I want to have a family. I want to get married. I want to finish college. I want to have a house. I want to have a truck and I want to live the way that I think is best. I am not ready to throw all of these dreams away and follow God. It is hard to be so honest with myself, but I have to. I have to face the truth. I just am not ready. I feel like I can relate a lot to the story that is in Matthew 19 and here is an excerpt from the chapter:
A man came to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to have eternal life?"
Jesus said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? Only God is good. If you want to have eternal life, you must obey his commandments."
"Which ones?" the man asked.
Jesus answered, "Do not murder. Be faithful in marriage. Do not steal. Do not tell lies about others. Respect your father and mother. And love others as much as you love yourself." The young man said, "I have obeyed all of these. What else must I do?"
Jesus replied, "If you want to be perfect, go sell everything you own! Give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven. Then come and be my follower." When the young man heard this, he was sad, because he was very rich.
Jesus said to his disciple, "It's terribly hard for rich people to get into the kingdom of heaven! In fact, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into God's kingdom."
When the disciples heard this, they were greatly surprised and asked, "How can anyone ever be saved?"
Jesus looked straight at them and said, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything."
Peter replied, "Remember, we have left everything to be your followers! What will we get?"
Jesus answered: Yes, all of you have become my followers. And so in the future world, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, I promise that you will sit on twelve thrones to judge the twelve tribes of Israel. All who have given up home or brothers and sisters or father and mother or children or land for me will be given a hundred times as much. They will also have eternal life. But many who are now first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
I relate to this rich young man. I feel like God is saying, "Michael to have eternal life and to be with me you have to give it all away and follow me!" Then I react the same way that the rich man reacts and become sad, because I know the truth about my corrupt heart. I know that I am rich in many things and I know that it is going to be very hard for me to sell everything I own and follow God. The great thing is that the passage continues and the disciples ask, "How can anyone be saved?" Then Jesus replies and says, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything!" This is what I am clinging to! I am clinging to the fact that I cannot do this! I cannot give it all up and follow God! This calling on my life is impossible for me to accomplish, but my hope is in Christ! My hope is that God will do the impossible! My hope is that God will be strong in my struggle! My hope is that in my weakness, God will be glorified! I am excited to engage this call and to take it on! I am excited, because I know that it is going to be all God! At the same time I am scared out of my mind, but I know the truth. The truth is that God can do anything! So I accept this challenge despite me inabilities! I accept this challenge despite my fear!
I know that God is going to take care of me. I know that He is going to provide for me. It even says that God will give me a hundred times what I have lost AND eternal life. I know that He will give me what I need, but the problem is that I don't believe it. Honestly, I do not truly believe that God can do this. It is hard for me to say that, because it shows me how much I am faking and pretending with God. It shows me that I am not being authentic in relationship with God. It shows me that I am not truly accepting of the blood that was spilled out for me. Convicted and accused of self-righteousness, I embrace this accusation and today I make a choice to bring it to God as real and true as possible. God this is my heart. This is the ugly truth and I am need of you! Here are the charges against me: I am holding on to this world, I value material and worldly things more than You, I believe that I can do it on my own, I am self-righteous, I am prideful, I am arrogant, I am stubborn, I am holding on to my worldly life and I am a sinner! God I hear the case against my life, the case that binds me to death, but I pray that you will change my heart. Give me a heart that will embrace Your Grace! I need it more than anything and I realize it more than ever! You have convicted me and have revealed to me the darkness in my heart. I give it up God! You can have it all! I am Yours and no one else! I am willing to lose this worldly life to find eternal life with you! I can see now that this transaction is completely worth it! Why do I hold on to this life when it is so messed up? Why do I depend on myself when I am completely useless? I am hopeless in and of myself! God you are hope! You can do anything and I believe You can even change me!
God please help me to believe this. Help me to understand that you are in control of all things! Help me to follow you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. God I do not want to be like the rich young man, but I want to be like your disciples who gave everything up to follow You. God help me to accept your calling and engage it with all my heart. God this calling is something that I can not do or accomplish, but requires your complete and amazing Grace for it to be done. It requires the acceptance of the fact that only by your Grace can this be done. I am excited to see what You are going to do. I am excited to see how you are going to change me. I can not wait! Lastly, I pray that you will bring me to my knees in complete surrender and in complete acceptance of Your Grace. I pray that Matthew 10:39 will become real to me in a whole new way, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." AMEN
God has called me to give it all up. He has called me to surrender everything. He has called me to leave everything behind and follow Him. He has called me to give up my reputation, my family, my friends, my comforts, my desires, my dreams and to lay them all down and follow. When I hear this calling I am reminded of Philippians 1:21 "To live is Christ and to die is gain." God has called me to die to myself and to live for Christ.
This sounds awesome and exciting and renewing, but the truth is that I am very hesitant to accept this call on my life. I am hesitant, because I am afraid of dying to this worldly life that seems to have so much to offer. I want to have a family. I want to get married. I want to finish college. I want to have a house. I want to have a truck and I want to live the way that I think is best. I am not ready to throw all of these dreams away and follow God. It is hard to be so honest with myself, but I have to. I have to face the truth. I just am not ready. I feel like I can relate a lot to the story that is in Matthew 19 and here is an excerpt from the chapter:
A man came to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to have eternal life?"
Jesus said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? Only God is good. If you want to have eternal life, you must obey his commandments."
"Which ones?" the man asked.
Jesus answered, "Do not murder. Be faithful in marriage. Do not steal. Do not tell lies about others. Respect your father and mother. And love others as much as you love yourself." The young man said, "I have obeyed all of these. What else must I do?"
Jesus replied, "If you want to be perfect, go sell everything you own! Give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven. Then come and be my follower." When the young man heard this, he was sad, because he was very rich.
Jesus said to his disciple, "It's terribly hard for rich people to get into the kingdom of heaven! In fact, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into God's kingdom."
When the disciples heard this, they were greatly surprised and asked, "How can anyone ever be saved?"
Jesus looked straight at them and said, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything."
Peter replied, "Remember, we have left everything to be your followers! What will we get?"
Jesus answered: Yes, all of you have become my followers. And so in the future world, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, I promise that you will sit on twelve thrones to judge the twelve tribes of Israel. All who have given up home or brothers and sisters or father and mother or children or land for me will be given a hundred times as much. They will also have eternal life. But many who are now first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
I relate to this rich young man. I feel like God is saying, "Michael to have eternal life and to be with me you have to give it all away and follow me!" Then I react the same way that the rich man reacts and become sad, because I know the truth about my corrupt heart. I know that I am rich in many things and I know that it is going to be very hard for me to sell everything I own and follow God. The great thing is that the passage continues and the disciples ask, "How can anyone be saved?" Then Jesus replies and says, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything!" This is what I am clinging to! I am clinging to the fact that I cannot do this! I cannot give it all up and follow God! This calling on my life is impossible for me to accomplish, but my hope is in Christ! My hope is that God will do the impossible! My hope is that God will be strong in my struggle! My hope is that in my weakness, God will be glorified! I am excited to engage this call and to take it on! I am excited, because I know that it is going to be all God! At the same time I am scared out of my mind, but I know the truth. The truth is that God can do anything! So I accept this challenge despite me inabilities! I accept this challenge despite my fear!
I know that God is going to take care of me. I know that He is going to provide for me. It even says that God will give me a hundred times what I have lost AND eternal life. I know that He will give me what I need, but the problem is that I don't believe it. Honestly, I do not truly believe that God can do this. It is hard for me to say that, because it shows me how much I am faking and pretending with God. It shows me that I am not being authentic in relationship with God. It shows me that I am not truly accepting of the blood that was spilled out for me. Convicted and accused of self-righteousness, I embrace this accusation and today I make a choice to bring it to God as real and true as possible. God this is my heart. This is the ugly truth and I am need of you! Here are the charges against me: I am holding on to this world, I value material and worldly things more than You, I believe that I can do it on my own, I am self-righteous, I am prideful, I am arrogant, I am stubborn, I am holding on to my worldly life and I am a sinner! God I hear the case against my life, the case that binds me to death, but I pray that you will change my heart. Give me a heart that will embrace Your Grace! I need it more than anything and I realize it more than ever! You have convicted me and have revealed to me the darkness in my heart. I give it up God! You can have it all! I am Yours and no one else! I am willing to lose this worldly life to find eternal life with you! I can see now that this transaction is completely worth it! Why do I hold on to this life when it is so messed up? Why do I depend on myself when I am completely useless? I am hopeless in and of myself! God you are hope! You can do anything and I believe You can even change me!
God please help me to believe this. Help me to understand that you are in control of all things! Help me to follow you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. God I do not want to be like the rich young man, but I want to be like your disciples who gave everything up to follow You. God help me to accept your calling and engage it with all my heart. God this calling is something that I can not do or accomplish, but requires your complete and amazing Grace for it to be done. It requires the acceptance of the fact that only by your Grace can this be done. I am excited to see what You are going to do. I am excited to see how you are going to change me. I can not wait! Lastly, I pray that you will bring me to my knees in complete surrender and in complete acceptance of Your Grace. I pray that Matthew 10:39 will become real to me in a whole new way, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." AMEN
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Truth
Facing reality is hard. It is hard to look into the eyes of what is true, because the truth is revealing. The truth shines light in a dark room. It reveals everything. Sometimes I feel like God shines a light on my life and every time He does I close my eyes. I close my eyes, because I do not want to see my life. I do not want to look in the mirror and face the reality of my corrupt heart. I do not want to see the ugly filth that is destroying me! I do not want to come to grips with my reality!
Honestly, I want to hide from the truth. I want to hide from reality. I want to be as far away from what makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I want to close my eyes and forget about everything and just fall to sleep pretending like everything is okay, but this is not how God works.
The truth hurts. The truth breaks me. The truth brings me to my knees. The truth reveals my filthy rags. The truth is love. The truth is healing. The truth is redemption. The truth is what I need, because God is truth. He is the light that shines and reveals all of my dark and evil secrets. He is the penetrating truth that pierces my heart and convicts me of my sin. He is the voice that guides me into His loving embrace. He is the savior that took on death for my salvation. He has revealed to me what is wrong and has given me a choice. A choice between turning on the light switch and walking in repentance or a choice to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow of my sin.
The problem is that so many times I choose to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow. I make that choice, because it is comfortable. It puts me in control over my life and it keeps me at the driver seat. The problem is I can not see where I am going. I have no idea what I am doing. I walk in darkness and I have no idea where I am. I am lost and confused, but I still choose to be in the shadow. I make that choice, because I am afraid. I am afraid of letting God invade my life. I am afraid of what He will find and what He will reveal. I am afraid of what will happen and what will become of me.
All of these reasons are selfish and self-seeking. All of these reasons revolve around me and my comforts and my needs. All of these reasons describe a corrupt heart. A corrupt heart that, "loves personal pleasure more than it loves the Lord." - Paul Tripp (author of whiter than snow)
Plain in simple, I love personal pleasure more than I love God.
On the other hand the times when I choose to let God turn on the light of penetrating truth are the times that I feel God the most. They are times of pain and hurt, but at the same moment they are times of beautiful and sweet mercy. I stand naked and vulnerable before God and I let Him in on all of my secrets. God does not reject me and He does not push me away, but He embraces me with arms of protection. My vulnerability and weakness are covered by His Grace. No one can touch me, but Him. No one can destroy me, but the Creator. No one knows me like my Lover and no heals me like my God.
God has revealed to me my filth. He has penetrated my heart with revealing truth. I am convicted and I embrace all of the accusations of my corruption, but I take shelter in God's Grace. Stones have been engraved with all of my sins and they have been thrown in my direction. Every stone deserves to hit me. Every stone deserves to break me, but instead Christ in perfect love spreads out His body, completely vulnerable, naked, broken, shattered, and embraces the impact of every single stone. I stand behind His bent and bruised body completely forgiven and completely renewed. The stones have been thrown and my debts have been paid. Christ rose again and just like Christ has risen so will I. My life is being restored and will be completed when I pass away. When my work is done God will bring me home. I will be completely transformed and redeemed. God has begun a work in me and will complete it. I have been redeemed. I can live knowing that it is finished.
Times and moments like these when I let God turn on the light are the best times of my life. I am filled with so much joy and excitement, because I know and dwell in the Grace of God. I turn from this filth. I turn from these evil secrets and I take a step towards the light and the closer I get the more alive I feel. I am being resurrected and I can not wait to be completed. My corruption and sin is paid for and I am satisfied now in dwelling in God's Grace. It is so amazing to know that the true reality of life is that all is broken and that all has fallen short except for Jesus Christ who perfectly lived and brokenly died a sinners death that should of been me, but instead was Him. Amen!
Honestly, I want to hide from the truth. I want to hide from reality. I want to be as far away from what makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I want to close my eyes and forget about everything and just fall to sleep pretending like everything is okay, but this is not how God works.
The truth hurts. The truth breaks me. The truth brings me to my knees. The truth reveals my filthy rags. The truth is love. The truth is healing. The truth is redemption. The truth is what I need, because God is truth. He is the light that shines and reveals all of my dark and evil secrets. He is the penetrating truth that pierces my heart and convicts me of my sin. He is the voice that guides me into His loving embrace. He is the savior that took on death for my salvation. He has revealed to me what is wrong and has given me a choice. A choice between turning on the light switch and walking in repentance or a choice to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow of my sin.
The problem is that so many times I choose to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow. I make that choice, because it is comfortable. It puts me in control over my life and it keeps me at the driver seat. The problem is I can not see where I am going. I have no idea what I am doing. I walk in darkness and I have no idea where I am. I am lost and confused, but I still choose to be in the shadow. I make that choice, because I am afraid. I am afraid of letting God invade my life. I am afraid of what He will find and what He will reveal. I am afraid of what will happen and what will become of me.
All of these reasons are selfish and self-seeking. All of these reasons revolve around me and my comforts and my needs. All of these reasons describe a corrupt heart. A corrupt heart that, "loves personal pleasure more than it loves the Lord." - Paul Tripp (author of whiter than snow)
Plain in simple, I love personal pleasure more than I love God.
On the other hand the times when I choose to let God turn on the light of penetrating truth are the times that I feel God the most. They are times of pain and hurt, but at the same moment they are times of beautiful and sweet mercy. I stand naked and vulnerable before God and I let Him in on all of my secrets. God does not reject me and He does not push me away, but He embraces me with arms of protection. My vulnerability and weakness are covered by His Grace. No one can touch me, but Him. No one can destroy me, but the Creator. No one knows me like my Lover and no heals me like my God.
God has revealed to me my filth. He has penetrated my heart with revealing truth. I am convicted and I embrace all of the accusations of my corruption, but I take shelter in God's Grace. Stones have been engraved with all of my sins and they have been thrown in my direction. Every stone deserves to hit me. Every stone deserves to break me, but instead Christ in perfect love spreads out His body, completely vulnerable, naked, broken, shattered, and embraces the impact of every single stone. I stand behind His bent and bruised body completely forgiven and completely renewed. The stones have been thrown and my debts have been paid. Christ rose again and just like Christ has risen so will I. My life is being restored and will be completed when I pass away. When my work is done God will bring me home. I will be completely transformed and redeemed. God has begun a work in me and will complete it. I have been redeemed. I can live knowing that it is finished.
Times and moments like these when I let God turn on the light are the best times of my life. I am filled with so much joy and excitement, because I know and dwell in the Grace of God. I turn from this filth. I turn from these evil secrets and I take a step towards the light and the closer I get the more alive I feel. I am being resurrected and I can not wait to be completed. My corruption and sin is paid for and I am satisfied now in dwelling in God's Grace. It is so amazing to know that the true reality of life is that all is broken and that all has fallen short except for Jesus Christ who perfectly lived and brokenly died a sinners death that should of been me, but instead was Him. Amen!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Love
True Love. What is it? How can anyone honestly explain it? How can anyone possibly begin to describe it? It is more than a simple, "I love you", it is more than a kiss goodnight, it is more than marriage and it is more than family.
True Love is God. True Love is Jesus. True Love is the Holy Spirit. True Love is everything that entails God therefore True Love is incomprehensible, because no one can begin to comprehend God. What we know of God today is nothing compared to how we will know God in eternity.
True Love is sacrifice. It is the blood that has been selflessly surrendered to cleanse mankind. It is the outstretched arms, pierced hands, pierced feet and broken heart of a God who is faithful. A God that will never forget. A God that is all-knowing. A God that loves. A God that lives. A God that forgives. A God that pours out Grace. A God who is so in Love with me that He will do anything to have me. He will go to all the ends of the earth looking for me. He will search high and low and far and close until He finds me. I am His and I am claimed. No one can take me away, because my God is True Love. True Love that never fails. True Love that always endures. True Love that will always love.
True Love is a promise. A promise that will be held. A promise that one day my relationship with God will be restored. A promise that I will be with God forever. A promise that I will never be forgotten and abandon. It is a promise that has been kept since the days of Abraham. It is a promise that one day all will be restored. My life will be made new and my soul will be in the arms of God forever. The day when this bond is restored will be the day that my heart erupts with the overwhelming grace and love that God has poured out. I can not begin to even imagine the beauty of that day. The Glory of God will shine forever. His name will be shouted for all of eternity. Everything about me will scream God's awesome Love. He is everything and that day where every ounce of my body and soul is poured out to Christ is the day that God will invade my life for all of eternity. True love is a promise that one day all will be made new.
True Love is messy. It involves my guilty and sinful hands. It involves my broken and fallen spirit. It involves all of my mess and all of my shame. It is a sloppy embrace. It is a filthy engagement. Everything about me, even my good deeds is a sloppy rag, but Jesus takes this rag and claims it as his. He takes everything about my messy life and embraces its punishment. He takes all the wrath, all the anger and all the pain with a perfect life that died a sinners death. He paid it all. He paid everything! It is finished!
True Love is life. On the third day Jesus rose again. He came back to life. He was made new! He is alive and well and is living within me. He is alive in me! Jesus' love is in me! Jesus is alive! I am alive! I am blameless and spotless in the sight of God! I have no more shame and no more reason to run away! I am new and restored! My spirit is alive! My spirit is alive! God gave His son so I can live! So I can be with Him! So that I can live in His Grace! So that I can be apart of His plan! So that I can just let everything go and let everything disappear and let every worry vanquish and let everything become nothing and GOD become everything! True Love is the Life that God has brought inside of me!
True Love is... is... is!!! God! Everything I learn about Him and everything I feel about Him and everything I have seen by Him is True Love! What I am is the work of True Love! I am the creation of True Love! I am a broken man, but a forgiven lover. I am so loved that these words that I write down frustrate me, because they can not capture the love of God. These words can not begin to describe God's True Love! It is so so so much more than I can even begin to describe! It is everything to me. God is everything. God is absolutely everything. Only God matters, only Him and no one else. Only in God can anyone be satisfied. Only in God can anyone live. Only in God can anyone experience True Love. In God I find strength, love, patience, compassion, conviction, passion, truth, and so much more. He is eternal and it will take me all of eternity to understand Him. I look forward to the day I can be with God forever. I look forward to the True Love I will experience in Him. I am constantly amazed by how much He loves me.
God is True Love...
True Love is God. True Love is Jesus. True Love is the Holy Spirit. True Love is everything that entails God therefore True Love is incomprehensible, because no one can begin to comprehend God. What we know of God today is nothing compared to how we will know God in eternity.
True Love is sacrifice. It is the blood that has been selflessly surrendered to cleanse mankind. It is the outstretched arms, pierced hands, pierced feet and broken heart of a God who is faithful. A God that will never forget. A God that is all-knowing. A God that loves. A God that lives. A God that forgives. A God that pours out Grace. A God who is so in Love with me that He will do anything to have me. He will go to all the ends of the earth looking for me. He will search high and low and far and close until He finds me. I am His and I am claimed. No one can take me away, because my God is True Love. True Love that never fails. True Love that always endures. True Love that will always love.
True Love is a promise. A promise that will be held. A promise that one day my relationship with God will be restored. A promise that I will be with God forever. A promise that I will never be forgotten and abandon. It is a promise that has been kept since the days of Abraham. It is a promise that one day all will be restored. My life will be made new and my soul will be in the arms of God forever. The day when this bond is restored will be the day that my heart erupts with the overwhelming grace and love that God has poured out. I can not begin to even imagine the beauty of that day. The Glory of God will shine forever. His name will be shouted for all of eternity. Everything about me will scream God's awesome Love. He is everything and that day where every ounce of my body and soul is poured out to Christ is the day that God will invade my life for all of eternity. True love is a promise that one day all will be made new.
True Love is messy. It involves my guilty and sinful hands. It involves my broken and fallen spirit. It involves all of my mess and all of my shame. It is a sloppy embrace. It is a filthy engagement. Everything about me, even my good deeds is a sloppy rag, but Jesus takes this rag and claims it as his. He takes everything about my messy life and embraces its punishment. He takes all the wrath, all the anger and all the pain with a perfect life that died a sinners death. He paid it all. He paid everything! It is finished!
True Love is life. On the third day Jesus rose again. He came back to life. He was made new! He is alive and well and is living within me. He is alive in me! Jesus' love is in me! Jesus is alive! I am alive! I am blameless and spotless in the sight of God! I have no more shame and no more reason to run away! I am new and restored! My spirit is alive! My spirit is alive! God gave His son so I can live! So I can be with Him! So that I can live in His Grace! So that I can be apart of His plan! So that I can just let everything go and let everything disappear and let every worry vanquish and let everything become nothing and GOD become everything! True Love is the Life that God has brought inside of me!
True Love is... is... is!!! God! Everything I learn about Him and everything I feel about Him and everything I have seen by Him is True Love! What I am is the work of True Love! I am the creation of True Love! I am a broken man, but a forgiven lover. I am so loved that these words that I write down frustrate me, because they can not capture the love of God. These words can not begin to describe God's True Love! It is so so so much more than I can even begin to describe! It is everything to me. God is everything. God is absolutely everything. Only God matters, only Him and no one else. Only in God can anyone be satisfied. Only in God can anyone live. Only in God can anyone experience True Love. In God I find strength, love, patience, compassion, conviction, passion, truth, and so much more. He is eternal and it will take me all of eternity to understand Him. I look forward to the day I can be with God forever. I look forward to the True Love I will experience in Him. I am constantly amazed by how much He loves me.
God is True Love...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Moments...
So many times in my life I look back and I wonder, "How did I make it?" I think to myself and ponder all of the scenarios and circumstances and situations in my life where life seemed to be the hardest. I think about all of the times when I felt like I ran into a brick wall. The times when I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. The times where I felt like I could not make it. These are the moments in my life where I change.
These moments are pivotal and life altering. These moments are the moments that change me. They define me. The reason why is, because in these moments I become nothing and in these moments God becomes everything. In these moments I become defined by God's Grace and God's Mercy. In these moments God places His stamp on my life and seals the deal on my salvation. God points at these moments and shows me that I need Him. It is these moments that scream God's Glory. It is in these moments where I fulfill my purpose. It is in these moments that God is Glorified! It is in these moments where people look at me and see God's Love. It is in these moments that I feel so broken and shattered, but at the same time feel so loved and redeemed. I am so thankful for the moments where I hit rock bottom. I am thankful for the times of struggle, pain and heart break. I am thankful for the hardship and tears. I am thankful, because they transform me into a humble, loving follower of Christ.
God I need your love and mercy today. I need your compassion and Grace. I have fallen so short and you have carried me so far. I am a complete mess. I am a broken piece of art. In time you will make me whole, but I wait in agony. I ask, "Why can't you complete me now?" You answer, "I have started a good work in you and will complete it when my Son returns." Oh how I long for that day. The day where I will be made whole. The day when all my sin and dirt will be gone and I can spend eternity with you. Heal my wounds and piece my brokenness together. Remind me of your Son. Remind me of what He did for me everyday. Preach the Gospel to my heart daily. Help me to rest in your love. Help me to understand that there is nothing I can do to earn your Grace. Help me to understand that I can never be perfect. Help me to see your Truth. My life is a constant struggle and I pray that you will remind me that you have a plan for me. Remind me of you! Remind me of your Promises! Remind me of your covenant! I am tired of living a pointless life that does not shout your name in every aspect! Please let my life scream your Glorious name! Please let my life be a reflection of your unconditional Love and amazing Grace! I want you to be glorified! To you be the Glory and Honor forever and ever! Amen.
These moments are pivotal and life altering. These moments are the moments that change me. They define me. The reason why is, because in these moments I become nothing and in these moments God becomes everything. In these moments I become defined by God's Grace and God's Mercy. In these moments God places His stamp on my life and seals the deal on my salvation. God points at these moments and shows me that I need Him. It is these moments that scream God's Glory. It is in these moments where I fulfill my purpose. It is in these moments that God is Glorified! It is in these moments where people look at me and see God's Love. It is in these moments that I feel so broken and shattered, but at the same time feel so loved and redeemed. I am so thankful for the moments where I hit rock bottom. I am thankful for the times of struggle, pain and heart break. I am thankful for the hardship and tears. I am thankful, because they transform me into a humble, loving follower of Christ.
God I need your love and mercy today. I need your compassion and Grace. I have fallen so short and you have carried me so far. I am a complete mess. I am a broken piece of art. In time you will make me whole, but I wait in agony. I ask, "Why can't you complete me now?" You answer, "I have started a good work in you and will complete it when my Son returns." Oh how I long for that day. The day where I will be made whole. The day when all my sin and dirt will be gone and I can spend eternity with you. Heal my wounds and piece my brokenness together. Remind me of your Son. Remind me of what He did for me everyday. Preach the Gospel to my heart daily. Help me to rest in your love. Help me to understand that there is nothing I can do to earn your Grace. Help me to understand that I can never be perfect. Help me to see your Truth. My life is a constant struggle and I pray that you will remind me that you have a plan for me. Remind me of you! Remind me of your Promises! Remind me of your covenant! I am tired of living a pointless life that does not shout your name in every aspect! Please let my life scream your Glorious name! Please let my life be a reflection of your unconditional Love and amazing Grace! I want you to be glorified! To you be the Glory and Honor forever and ever! Amen.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Boyd Trotter
Boyd Trotter is awesome. If there is one word that I could use to describe him it would be AWESOME! He has such an incredible heart and spirit. He loves God so much and has a passion for his will. He is loyal through all circumstances. Pain, hurt, tears, laughter, good times and hard times I know Boyd Trotter will always be there.
Boyd is my room mate and I wouldn't change that for the world. I am so grateful for him. His life has been such an encouragement for me. Boyd has Lyme disease which weakens his immune system making him prone to other diseases. Lyme has been a major reason why he had to give up gymnastics which was huge for him. Also his treatment has been very rigorous at times. I remember when he was taking these pills that pretty much made him allergic to the sun. Every time he would go out into the sun he would burn. I remember his hands got so burned that his skin was falling off and it looked miserable. He hung in there and got through the treatment.
It has been awesome to see how much Boyd has grown in the Lord this year. He has been devoted to his quiet times and has been developing a passion for God's people. He has really encouraged me to start considering a Summer Project. This Summer Boyd will be going to South Africa and to see him take such a leap of faith is really encouraging.
He has been through so much from injuries to illness, but in every situation he has persevered and endured. He has character and a heart that is admirable. He is loyal and steadfast in his relationship with God. I am so proud of him and so blessed to be a part of his life. I love him so much and I have been so encouraged by his love. I know that Boyd will always have my back and I can't wait to see what God is going to do in his life.
God, thank you so much for Boyd. Thank you for his heart and love. Thank you for his encouragement and loyalty. He has been an incredible friend and an awesome brother. He has challenged me in my quiet times and he has challenged me in my walk with you. He loves you so much and he is a light to the world. I pray that you will help him raise support so he can shine your light in South Africa. I pray that you will heal him from Lyme which has made his life a constant struggle. I pray that you will always be with him and guide him. He is awesome and I love him so much. Thank you for his friendship and thank you for his life!
Boyd is my room mate and I wouldn't change that for the world. I am so grateful for him. His life has been such an encouragement for me. Boyd has Lyme disease which weakens his immune system making him prone to other diseases. Lyme has been a major reason why he had to give up gymnastics which was huge for him. Also his treatment has been very rigorous at times. I remember when he was taking these pills that pretty much made him allergic to the sun. Every time he would go out into the sun he would burn. I remember his hands got so burned that his skin was falling off and it looked miserable. He hung in there and got through the treatment.
It has been awesome to see how much Boyd has grown in the Lord this year. He has been devoted to his quiet times and has been developing a passion for God's people. He has really encouraged me to start considering a Summer Project. This Summer Boyd will be going to South Africa and to see him take such a leap of faith is really encouraging.
He has been through so much from injuries to illness, but in every situation he has persevered and endured. He has character and a heart that is admirable. He is loyal and steadfast in his relationship with God. I am so proud of him and so blessed to be a part of his life. I love him so much and I have been so encouraged by his love. I know that Boyd will always have my back and I can't wait to see what God is going to do in his life.
God, thank you so much for Boyd. Thank you for his heart and love. Thank you for his encouragement and loyalty. He has been an incredible friend and an awesome brother. He has challenged me in my quiet times and he has challenged me in my walk with you. He loves you so much and he is a light to the world. I pray that you will help him raise support so he can shine your light in South Africa. I pray that you will heal him from Lyme which has made his life a constant struggle. I pray that you will always be with him and guide him. He is awesome and I love him so much. Thank you for his friendship and thank you for his life!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
The Desert
So many times I feel like I am in a desert. I feel like there is no one there for me. I feel like there is no one that cares. I feel like there is no hope and if I am honest I feel like there is no point to life.
The desert is a place of absolute starvation and thirst. I am longing for something to fill me up. I am longing for something to suffice my desires. I am longing for satisfaction.
It is in the desert where I am most vulnerable. In the desert I am prone to wander and chase after mirages. Mirages that include pictures of things that I think will satisfy like girls or sex or family or friends or approval or comfort and so on... I chase after these mirages to find emptiness. I went out of my way and I strayed from the path to go to these mirages, but when I arrive I only find more desert. When I arrive I become more lost and confused. I thought that this mirage off in the distance would satisfy my needs, but it was only a mirage. I thought that it was real. I thought that it would satisfy, but instead it left me empty. It is a fake illusion of satisfaction.
I am tired of chasing after mirages. I am tired of chasing after lovers that won't satisfy. I am in a desert and I am lost. I am confused and I do not know what to do. I am thirsty and hungry and I am longing to be satisfied.
It is in the desert that my faith is tested. It is in the desert where my true colors shine. It is in the desert where my true heart is revealed. My selfishness and sinful desires are evident and clear when God brings me through the desert. In the desert God reveals my brokeness and evilness. He shows me my sinful desires and reveals to me the brokeness inside of me. In the desert I realize how selfish I am. I realize how desperately I need God. I realize that nothing else will satisfy. It is in the desert tha God brings me back to him.
I am thankful for the desert. I am thankful for my thirst and hunger. I am thankful for my brokeness, because it reminds me of how Great my God is! It reminds me of how much He loves me. It reminds me of how He is enough to satisfy. It reminds me of His awesome Grace and unconditional Love. The desert is the place where God puts me, to show me how much He cares.
When I go through the desert God is very patient. He watches me stumble and fall apart. He sees my heartache and pain. Then at the perfect time God pours out His Love and Grace. He pours it out on me and bathes me in compassion. He kisses my parched lips and embraces my broken soul. He mends the scars and wounds. He suffices every need and every desire. He completes me.
God thank you for the desert! Thank you for every moment that reminds me of how awesome and glorious you are. I am walking through the desert. I am discouraged and broken. I do not know where to go, but I know you will call me at the perfect time. You will be there for me when I need you most. I am in the desert wandering around waiting for your voice. There are many temptations out there that I see. I see them and they look so appealing. I know that these mirages or temptations will not satisfy. I know that they are illusions and are fake. God I pray that you will lead me and that you will bring me into your sweet embrace soon. I do not know how much longer I can last, but God I pray that you will find me soon. I know that you are watching and I know that you can hear me and I know that you are with me and I know that you have a perfect plan. I love you and I trust you!
Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Isaiah 55:1
"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost."
Matthew 5:6
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
Psalm 63:1
"A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah. O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
John 4:14
"but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
The desert is a place of absolute starvation and thirst. I am longing for something to fill me up. I am longing for something to suffice my desires. I am longing for satisfaction.
It is in the desert where I am most vulnerable. In the desert I am prone to wander and chase after mirages. Mirages that include pictures of things that I think will satisfy like girls or sex or family or friends or approval or comfort and so on... I chase after these mirages to find emptiness. I went out of my way and I strayed from the path to go to these mirages, but when I arrive I only find more desert. When I arrive I become more lost and confused. I thought that this mirage off in the distance would satisfy my needs, but it was only a mirage. I thought that it was real. I thought that it would satisfy, but instead it left me empty. It is a fake illusion of satisfaction.
I am tired of chasing after mirages. I am tired of chasing after lovers that won't satisfy. I am in a desert and I am lost. I am confused and I do not know what to do. I am thirsty and hungry and I am longing to be satisfied.
It is in the desert that my faith is tested. It is in the desert where my true colors shine. It is in the desert where my true heart is revealed. My selfishness and sinful desires are evident and clear when God brings me through the desert. In the desert God reveals my brokeness and evilness. He shows me my sinful desires and reveals to me the brokeness inside of me. In the desert I realize how selfish I am. I realize how desperately I need God. I realize that nothing else will satisfy. It is in the desert tha God brings me back to him.
I am thankful for the desert. I am thankful for my thirst and hunger. I am thankful for my brokeness, because it reminds me of how Great my God is! It reminds me of how much He loves me. It reminds me of how He is enough to satisfy. It reminds me of His awesome Grace and unconditional Love. The desert is the place where God puts me, to show me how much He cares.
When I go through the desert God is very patient. He watches me stumble and fall apart. He sees my heartache and pain. Then at the perfect time God pours out His Love and Grace. He pours it out on me and bathes me in compassion. He kisses my parched lips and embraces my broken soul. He mends the scars and wounds. He suffices every need and every desire. He completes me.
God thank you for the desert! Thank you for every moment that reminds me of how awesome and glorious you are. I am walking through the desert. I am discouraged and broken. I do not know where to go, but I know you will call me at the perfect time. You will be there for me when I need you most. I am in the desert wandering around waiting for your voice. There are many temptations out there that I see. I see them and they look so appealing. I know that these mirages or temptations will not satisfy. I know that they are illusions and are fake. God I pray that you will lead me and that you will bring me into your sweet embrace soon. I do not know how much longer I can last, but God I pray that you will find me soon. I know that you are watching and I know that you can hear me and I know that you are with me and I know that you have a perfect plan. I love you and I trust you!
Matthew 11:28
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Isaiah 55:1
"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost."
Matthew 5:6
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
Psalm 63:1
"A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah. O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water."
John 4:14
"but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
Friday, January 14, 2011
Failure
I have the hardest time with failure. To me, failure is never an option. It is how I am wired. I never want to fail. I hate admitting that I am wrong. I hate admitting that I don't measure up. I hate everything that falls into the category of failure. I want to succeed.
When I fail or when I don't measure up or when I make a mistake or when I am wrong... I beat myself up. I tear myself up with condemning thoughts and words. I tell myself that I am worthless and undeserving. I meditate on the idea of being completely worthless. I lit it sit my heart and rot away all my joy. I bask in my short comings and drive myself crazy thinking about how I can be better.
I am always trying to improve myself. I am always trying to add on to my accomplishments. I am always trying and trying and trying, but in the end I always fail. Then I say to myself if I only try harder then maybe next time I will succeed. So I restart the cycle and try even harder, but end up failing even more.
This cycle tears me apart. It makes me feel so worthless. It makes me feel like dirt. It is a tool that Satan uses to rip me apart. When I fail I should rejoice. I should rejoice in the hope of my Savior. When I fail it should be a proclamation of God's Grace and it should shout the Glory of God. When I fail it should be a moment where I say, "Look at God! Look at what He has done! He has paid it all! His GRACE is ENOUGH to cover my sin!"
Instead I make it into a selfish moment. I turn into a moment of sulking and whining. I make it all about me and what I have done. I go to God as a defense lawyer and I bring my defense to his court. I give Him excuses and reasons. I tell Him that I didn't mean to fail, I didn't mean to mess up, I didn't mean to do that. I tell God that it will never happen again that I will be strong. I go to God to bring Him a case about my justification. I go to God not asking for His Grace, but telling Him that I will fix all my mistakes. I go to God in defense. A moment of failure is a moment of selfishness for me. A moment that should bring God Glory is a moment I use to draw attention on myself.
My failures should scream to all the world about God's Grace. When people hear about my failures, they should be hearing a story about God. A story about a broken man that God has graciously restored. They should not hear a story about a man that is trying to fix his brokenness, but a story about a man who God has redeemed. It should be a proclamation of God's awesome power and Grace. It should be a battle cry that shouts the name of the Lord to all the earth. When people hear my story they should only hear GRACE.
I surrender my pride. I surrender my stubbornness. I surrender my fake attitude. I surrender my insincerity. I surrender my brokenness. I surrender my success. I surrender my talent. I surrender my dreams. I surrender my life. I surrender my failures. God you can have my life. It is all yours and it was never mine to begin with. God you are the strength that gets me through everyday. You are the one that meets my every need. God please work through my sin, work through my pain, work through my success, and work through my failures. Shine in me in the darkest of times. Let all see my dirt and let all see your awesome GRACE. It is you that has saved my life. It is you that has redeemed me. I am so relieved to know that you did it perfect in my place and you paid it all in my place. Help me to experience your Gospel and Love everyday. I love you!
When I fail or when I don't measure up or when I make a mistake or when I am wrong... I beat myself up. I tear myself up with condemning thoughts and words. I tell myself that I am worthless and undeserving. I meditate on the idea of being completely worthless. I lit it sit my heart and rot away all my joy. I bask in my short comings and drive myself crazy thinking about how I can be better.
I am always trying to improve myself. I am always trying to add on to my accomplishments. I am always trying and trying and trying, but in the end I always fail. Then I say to myself if I only try harder then maybe next time I will succeed. So I restart the cycle and try even harder, but end up failing even more.
This cycle tears me apart. It makes me feel so worthless. It makes me feel like dirt. It is a tool that Satan uses to rip me apart. When I fail I should rejoice. I should rejoice in the hope of my Savior. When I fail it should be a proclamation of God's Grace and it should shout the Glory of God. When I fail it should be a moment where I say, "Look at God! Look at what He has done! He has paid it all! His GRACE is ENOUGH to cover my sin!"
Instead I make it into a selfish moment. I turn into a moment of sulking and whining. I make it all about me and what I have done. I go to God as a defense lawyer and I bring my defense to his court. I give Him excuses and reasons. I tell Him that I didn't mean to fail, I didn't mean to mess up, I didn't mean to do that. I tell God that it will never happen again that I will be strong. I go to God to bring Him a case about my justification. I go to God not asking for His Grace, but telling Him that I will fix all my mistakes. I go to God in defense. A moment of failure is a moment of selfishness for me. A moment that should bring God Glory is a moment I use to draw attention on myself.
My failures should scream to all the world about God's Grace. When people hear about my failures, they should be hearing a story about God. A story about a broken man that God has graciously restored. They should not hear a story about a man that is trying to fix his brokenness, but a story about a man who God has redeemed. It should be a proclamation of God's awesome power and Grace. It should be a battle cry that shouts the name of the Lord to all the earth. When people hear my story they should only hear GRACE.
I surrender my pride. I surrender my stubbornness. I surrender my fake attitude. I surrender my insincerity. I surrender my brokenness. I surrender my success. I surrender my talent. I surrender my dreams. I surrender my life. I surrender my failures. God you can have my life. It is all yours and it was never mine to begin with. God you are the strength that gets me through everyday. You are the one that meets my every need. God please work through my sin, work through my pain, work through my success, and work through my failures. Shine in me in the darkest of times. Let all see my dirt and let all see your awesome GRACE. It is you that has saved my life. It is you that has redeemed me. I am so relieved to know that you did it perfect in my place and you paid it all in my place. Help me to experience your Gospel and Love everyday. I love you!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
A Shepherd and His Missing Lamb
PSALM 23
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
There is a shepherd watching over his sheep. He senses that there is something wrong. He feels like there is something out of place. The shepherd counted his sheep and realized that one was missing. A lamb had gone astray. "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6)."
The shepherd immediately left his flock to find his missing lamb. He left all of his sheep behind to find ONE lamb. He traveled far and long until he finally found his missing lamb. The shepherd broke the lamb's leg and carried it home on his shoulders. He cared and tended to the lamb until it recovered. The shepherd was filled with joy when he found his missing lamb, "...there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent (Luke 15:4-7)."
This a story about a shepherd who cared about his sheep. A shepherd that would let no lamb go astray. A shepherd that was willing to do whatever it takes to find its missing lamb. The shepherd broke the lamb out of love. Love that covers a multitudes of wrong. Love that covers the shame of a lamb that disobeyed. A lamb that thought it could do life on its own. A lamb that thought it could survive without the shepherd. Foolish lamb, the shepherd is the source of food, shelter and care. The shepherd is the wellspring of life. "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them (John 7:37-38)."
In this story I play the role of the missing lamb. So many times I have thought that I had it all together. So many times I have thought that I could do it on my own. So many times I have thought that I could do it alone, but... I can't. Every time I find myself lost and alone. Every time I find myself wishing that I had never ran away. Then I feel the break. The bones crack. The pride shatters and my heart turns. I feel like a brick wall has slapped me every time. I feel paralyzed and confused, but in this chaos I feel myself being lifted onto the shoulders of my Shepherd. I feel God's loving hands mending my wounds and healing my heart. The pain is a reminder of the sin that I let invade my life. It is a reminder of my brokenness. I much rather be a limping lamb than a lost lamb. I will limp for the rest of my life if I have to as long as I can be with God; as long as I can be with my shepherd.
It is these moments in my life that I realize how much God loves me. It is these moments of brokenness and confusion where I surrender it all to God. It is these moments where I let down my pride and let Christ carry me home. It is these moments where God's Glory shines. It is these moments when people look at the horizon and see me on the shoulders of my great Savior. It is this that brings Glory to God. It is not about what I have done on my own, but it is all about what God has done in me. It is all about God's Glory shining through my weakness. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)."
God I give it up! "we(I) have sinned and done wrong. We(I) have been wicked and have rebelled; we(I) have turned away from your commands and laws (Daniel 9:5)." I have been on the run so long! Break my knees and bring me home! Break my pride and bring me home! I have nothing to hide. You have seen it all. You have seen the corruptness and you have seen the evilness, but Christ has satisfied. "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53:5)." Bring me home! Bring me back into your arms. Nurse my wounds and heal the brokenness inside. Your love is so great and beautiful. Your love is true!
"For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls (1 Peter 2:25)."
I will live in the HOUSE of GOD FOREVER!
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
There is a shepherd watching over his sheep. He senses that there is something wrong. He feels like there is something out of place. The shepherd counted his sheep and realized that one was missing. A lamb had gone astray. "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6)."
The shepherd immediately left his flock to find his missing lamb. He left all of his sheep behind to find ONE lamb. He traveled far and long until he finally found his missing lamb. The shepherd broke the lamb's leg and carried it home on his shoulders. He cared and tended to the lamb until it recovered. The shepherd was filled with joy when he found his missing lamb, "...there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent (Luke 15:4-7)."
This a story about a shepherd who cared about his sheep. A shepherd that would let no lamb go astray. A shepherd that was willing to do whatever it takes to find its missing lamb. The shepherd broke the lamb out of love. Love that covers a multitudes of wrong. Love that covers the shame of a lamb that disobeyed. A lamb that thought it could do life on its own. A lamb that thought it could survive without the shepherd. Foolish lamb, the shepherd is the source of food, shelter and care. The shepherd is the wellspring of life. "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them (John 7:37-38)."
In this story I play the role of the missing lamb. So many times I have thought that I had it all together. So many times I have thought that I could do it on my own. So many times I have thought that I could do it alone, but... I can't. Every time I find myself lost and alone. Every time I find myself wishing that I had never ran away. Then I feel the break. The bones crack. The pride shatters and my heart turns. I feel like a brick wall has slapped me every time. I feel paralyzed and confused, but in this chaos I feel myself being lifted onto the shoulders of my Shepherd. I feel God's loving hands mending my wounds and healing my heart. The pain is a reminder of the sin that I let invade my life. It is a reminder of my brokenness. I much rather be a limping lamb than a lost lamb. I will limp for the rest of my life if I have to as long as I can be with God; as long as I can be with my shepherd.
It is these moments in my life that I realize how much God loves me. It is these moments of brokenness and confusion where I surrender it all to God. It is these moments where I let down my pride and let Christ carry me home. It is these moments where God's Glory shines. It is these moments when people look at the horizon and see me on the shoulders of my great Savior. It is this that brings Glory to God. It is not about what I have done on my own, but it is all about what God has done in me. It is all about God's Glory shining through my weakness. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)."
God I give it up! "we(I) have sinned and done wrong. We(I) have been wicked and have rebelled; we(I) have turned away from your commands and laws (Daniel 9:5)." I have been on the run so long! Break my knees and bring me home! Break my pride and bring me home! I have nothing to hide. You have seen it all. You have seen the corruptness and you have seen the evilness, but Christ has satisfied. "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed (Isaiah 53:5)." Bring me home! Bring me back into your arms. Nurse my wounds and heal the brokenness inside. Your love is so great and beautiful. Your love is true!
"For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls (1 Peter 2:25)."
I will live in the HOUSE of GOD FOREVER!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Hosea
Hosea is a prophet. A prophet that obeyed and followed. A prophet that loved God so much. He preached to Israel. He told them about the wrath of God. He told them about the love of God. He told them to repent and run from their sins, but Israel refused. Israel was ignorant.
Gomer was a prostitute. She would leave at night and return the next day. She would bear children that were not Hosea's. She would leave Hosea for other men. Gomer was so lost and confused that she sold herself. She gave herself away to the hands of evil men.
Gomer and Hosea were destined to be. God called Hosea to marry Gomer, a woman that would hurt him more than anyone else. God called Hosea to marry someone that would give herself away. She sold herself into slavery. She pursued lovers that would never satisfy. God called Hosea to marry a woman that did not love him. God called Hosea and Hosea listened.
I can only imagine the pain Hosea felt every night. The pain of hearing his lover sneak out into the streets. The pain of knowing that she was sleeping around. The pain of looking at children that were not his. Children that were conceived out of prostitution. The pain of watching the one you love the most throw their life away. The pain of a broken heart.
Gomer! What were you thinking! How could you abandon someone who loved you no matter what? How could you turn your back on someone who loved you through all your mess? How could you? How could you? Did you not know how much he loved you?
God! Why would you call Hosea and destine him for such a painful fate? Why would you call him to love someone who did not love him back? Why would you do that to your servant? Why? He loved you so much!
Glory shown through the streets of Israel on that dark night. The night when Gomer the prostitute was being sold. She was standing naked and vulnerable in front of the crowd. She was on display for all to see and she was being sold to the highest bidder. She was cold and lonely. She was abandoned and forgotten. She had given herself away to so many men that there was no other way to go than into slavery. She had gone too far and had been away too long to come back home. She had no other hope than to be another man's prostitute. She knew that she had thrown everything away. She knew that all hope was lost, but amongst the crowd she could hear a voice. She recognized the voice, but could not remember whose it was. She listened and heard herself sold away to the man that paid, "15 shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley (Hosea 3:2)." The man took her into his arms and told her, "You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you (Hosea 3:3)." Then she realized that she was safe. She was in the arms of her lover. She had been saved. Hosea had came for her and paid a price for her. He came to love her. He came to save her.
The words that Hosea said to Gomer must of sounded so sweet. Gomer must have felt so relieved to hear the comforting words of her husband. How grateful she must of felt to know that he came for her and found her. How overwhelmed with love she must of felt when she knew that he gave it all for her. He rescued her from evil and brought her home. She was safe and she knew that she was loved.
The unconditional love of Hosea is God's unconditional love for me. I am Gomer! I am the prostitute! I am the one who sneaks out at night and gives myself away to lovers that never satisfy! I am the one that has no hope! I am the one that forgot the love of my lover! I am the one that went too far to bother coming back, but thank goodness God found me on the street! Praise God for coming for me! Praise God for the son he sent to buy me! Praise God for love that is unconditional! Praise God!
I was bought for a price. I was bought with a single, pure and holy life. The one God loved the most gave himself up so that I may be loved. So that I may experience Grace. The blood of Christ is the greatest gift I could ever have. Oh how my God loves me! He loves me! He loves me! He loves me when I run away! He loves me when I make a mess! He loves me when I sing His praise! He loves me when I cry! He loves me even when I give myself away to other lovers! He loves me!
This story is a reminder of how much God has loved me. A reminder of his unconditional love that I so often take for granted. Also this story calls me to go out and love others. To go out and love people like Hosea loved Gomer. God loves me so much, but yet I love no one. I keep it all to myself and there are millions of people that have never experienced what I have felt. So this story is a story that has changed my life.
God I pray that you will change my heart towards people. God I pray that you will remind me every day of your unconditional love so that I may share it with others. God thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you!
Gomer was a prostitute. She would leave at night and return the next day. She would bear children that were not Hosea's. She would leave Hosea for other men. Gomer was so lost and confused that she sold herself. She gave herself away to the hands of evil men.
Gomer and Hosea were destined to be. God called Hosea to marry Gomer, a woman that would hurt him more than anyone else. God called Hosea to marry someone that would give herself away. She sold herself into slavery. She pursued lovers that would never satisfy. God called Hosea to marry a woman that did not love him. God called Hosea and Hosea listened.
I can only imagine the pain Hosea felt every night. The pain of hearing his lover sneak out into the streets. The pain of knowing that she was sleeping around. The pain of looking at children that were not his. Children that were conceived out of prostitution. The pain of watching the one you love the most throw their life away. The pain of a broken heart.
Gomer! What were you thinking! How could you abandon someone who loved you no matter what? How could you turn your back on someone who loved you through all your mess? How could you? How could you? Did you not know how much he loved you?
God! Why would you call Hosea and destine him for such a painful fate? Why would you call him to love someone who did not love him back? Why would you do that to your servant? Why? He loved you so much!
Glory shown through the streets of Israel on that dark night. The night when Gomer the prostitute was being sold. She was standing naked and vulnerable in front of the crowd. She was on display for all to see and she was being sold to the highest bidder. She was cold and lonely. She was abandoned and forgotten. She had given herself away to so many men that there was no other way to go than into slavery. She had gone too far and had been away too long to come back home. She had no other hope than to be another man's prostitute. She knew that she had thrown everything away. She knew that all hope was lost, but amongst the crowd she could hear a voice. She recognized the voice, but could not remember whose it was. She listened and heard herself sold away to the man that paid, "15 shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley (Hosea 3:2)." The man took her into his arms and told her, "You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you (Hosea 3:3)." Then she realized that she was safe. She was in the arms of her lover. She had been saved. Hosea had came for her and paid a price for her. He came to love her. He came to save her.
The words that Hosea said to Gomer must of sounded so sweet. Gomer must have felt so relieved to hear the comforting words of her husband. How grateful she must of felt to know that he came for her and found her. How overwhelmed with love she must of felt when she knew that he gave it all for her. He rescued her from evil and brought her home. She was safe and she knew that she was loved.
The unconditional love of Hosea is God's unconditional love for me. I am Gomer! I am the prostitute! I am the one who sneaks out at night and gives myself away to lovers that never satisfy! I am the one that has no hope! I am the one that forgot the love of my lover! I am the one that went too far to bother coming back, but thank goodness God found me on the street! Praise God for coming for me! Praise God for the son he sent to buy me! Praise God for love that is unconditional! Praise God!
I was bought for a price. I was bought with a single, pure and holy life. The one God loved the most gave himself up so that I may be loved. So that I may experience Grace. The blood of Christ is the greatest gift I could ever have. Oh how my God loves me! He loves me! He loves me! He loves me when I run away! He loves me when I make a mess! He loves me when I sing His praise! He loves me when I cry! He loves me even when I give myself away to other lovers! He loves me!
This story is a reminder of how much God has loved me. A reminder of his unconditional love that I so often take for granted. Also this story calls me to go out and love others. To go out and love people like Hosea loved Gomer. God loves me so much, but yet I love no one. I keep it all to myself and there are millions of people that have never experienced what I have felt. So this story is a story that has changed my life.
God I pray that you will change my heart towards people. God I pray that you will remind me every day of your unconditional love so that I may share it with others. God thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you!
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