I have a calling on my life. I hear it loud and clear, but I am completely terrified by it. God has placed this calling on my life and I am scared out of my mind. I am worried about what will happen? What will become of me? How will I be able to survive? Honestly, I am scared and I do not have what it takes to accept this calling.
God has called me to give it all up. He has called me to surrender everything. He has called me to leave everything behind and follow Him. He has called me to give up my reputation, my family, my friends, my comforts, my desires, my dreams and to lay them all down and follow. When I hear this calling I am reminded of Philippians 1:21 "To live is Christ and to die is gain." God has called me to die to myself and to live for Christ.
This sounds awesome and exciting and renewing, but the truth is that I am very hesitant to accept this call on my life. I am hesitant, because I am afraid of dying to this worldly life that seems to have so much to offer. I want to have a family. I want to get married. I want to finish college. I want to have a house. I want to have a truck and I want to live the way that I think is best. I am not ready to throw all of these dreams away and follow God. It is hard to be so honest with myself, but I have to. I have to face the truth. I just am not ready. I feel like I can relate a lot to the story that is in Matthew 19 and here is an excerpt from the chapter:
A man came to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to have eternal life?"
Jesus said to him, "Why do you ask me about what is good? Only God is good. If you want to have eternal life, you must obey his commandments."
"Which ones?" the man asked.
Jesus answered, "Do not murder. Be faithful in marriage. Do not steal. Do not tell lies about others. Respect your father and mother. And love others as much as you love yourself." The young man said, "I have obeyed all of these. What else must I do?"
Jesus replied, "If you want to be perfect, go sell everything you own! Give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven. Then come and be my follower." When the young man heard this, he was sad, because he was very rich.
Jesus said to his disciple, "It's terribly hard for rich people to get into the kingdom of heaven! In fact, it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to get into God's kingdom."
When the disciples heard this, they were greatly surprised and asked, "How can anyone ever be saved?"
Jesus looked straight at them and said, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything."
Peter replied, "Remember, we have left everything to be your followers! What will we get?"
Jesus answered: Yes, all of you have become my followers. And so in the future world, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, I promise that you will sit on twelve thrones to judge the twelve tribes of Israel. All who have given up home or brothers and sisters or father and mother or children or land for me will be given a hundred times as much. They will also have eternal life. But many who are now first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
I relate to this rich young man. I feel like God is saying, "Michael to have eternal life and to be with me you have to give it all away and follow me!" Then I react the same way that the rich man reacts and become sad, because I know the truth about my corrupt heart. I know that I am rich in many things and I know that it is going to be very hard for me to sell everything I own and follow God. The great thing is that the passage continues and the disciples ask, "How can anyone be saved?" Then Jesus replies and says, "There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything!" This is what I am clinging to! I am clinging to the fact that I cannot do this! I cannot give it all up and follow God! This calling on my life is impossible for me to accomplish, but my hope is in Christ! My hope is that God will do the impossible! My hope is that God will be strong in my struggle! My hope is that in my weakness, God will be glorified! I am excited to engage this call and to take it on! I am excited, because I know that it is going to be all God! At the same time I am scared out of my mind, but I know the truth. The truth is that God can do anything! So I accept this challenge despite me inabilities! I accept this challenge despite my fear!
I know that God is going to take care of me. I know that He is going to provide for me. It even says that God will give me a hundred times what I have lost AND eternal life. I know that He will give me what I need, but the problem is that I don't believe it. Honestly, I do not truly believe that God can do this. It is hard for me to say that, because it shows me how much I am faking and pretending with God. It shows me that I am not being authentic in relationship with God. It shows me that I am not truly accepting of the blood that was spilled out for me. Convicted and accused of self-righteousness, I embrace this accusation and today I make a choice to bring it to God as real and true as possible. God this is my heart. This is the ugly truth and I am need of you! Here are the charges against me: I am holding on to this world, I value material and worldly things more than You, I believe that I can do it on my own, I am self-righteous, I am prideful, I am arrogant, I am stubborn, I am holding on to my worldly life and I am a sinner! God I hear the case against my life, the case that binds me to death, but I pray that you will change my heart. Give me a heart that will embrace Your Grace! I need it more than anything and I realize it more than ever! You have convicted me and have revealed to me the darkness in my heart. I give it up God! You can have it all! I am Yours and no one else! I am willing to lose this worldly life to find eternal life with you! I can see now that this transaction is completely worth it! Why do I hold on to this life when it is so messed up? Why do I depend on myself when I am completely useless? I am hopeless in and of myself! God you are hope! You can do anything and I believe You can even change me!
God please help me to believe this. Help me to understand that you are in control of all things! Help me to follow you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. God I do not want to be like the rich young man, but I want to be like your disciples who gave everything up to follow You. God help me to accept your calling and engage it with all my heart. God this calling is something that I can not do or accomplish, but requires your complete and amazing Grace for it to be done. It requires the acceptance of the fact that only by your Grace can this be done. I am excited to see what You are going to do. I am excited to see how you are going to change me. I can not wait! Lastly, I pray that you will bring me to my knees in complete surrender and in complete acceptance of Your Grace. I pray that Matthew 10:39 will become real to me in a whole new way, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." AMEN
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Truth
Facing reality is hard. It is hard to look into the eyes of what is true, because the truth is revealing. The truth shines light in a dark room. It reveals everything. Sometimes I feel like God shines a light on my life and every time He does I close my eyes. I close my eyes, because I do not want to see my life. I do not want to look in the mirror and face the reality of my corrupt heart. I do not want to see the ugly filth that is destroying me! I do not want to come to grips with my reality!
Honestly, I want to hide from the truth. I want to hide from reality. I want to be as far away from what makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I want to close my eyes and forget about everything and just fall to sleep pretending like everything is okay, but this is not how God works.
The truth hurts. The truth breaks me. The truth brings me to my knees. The truth reveals my filthy rags. The truth is love. The truth is healing. The truth is redemption. The truth is what I need, because God is truth. He is the light that shines and reveals all of my dark and evil secrets. He is the penetrating truth that pierces my heart and convicts me of my sin. He is the voice that guides me into His loving embrace. He is the savior that took on death for my salvation. He has revealed to me what is wrong and has given me a choice. A choice between turning on the light switch and walking in repentance or a choice to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow of my sin.
The problem is that so many times I choose to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow. I make that choice, because it is comfortable. It puts me in control over my life and it keeps me at the driver seat. The problem is I can not see where I am going. I have no idea what I am doing. I walk in darkness and I have no idea where I am. I am lost and confused, but I still choose to be in the shadow. I make that choice, because I am afraid. I am afraid of letting God invade my life. I am afraid of what He will find and what He will reveal. I am afraid of what will happen and what will become of me.
All of these reasons are selfish and self-seeking. All of these reasons revolve around me and my comforts and my needs. All of these reasons describe a corrupt heart. A corrupt heart that, "loves personal pleasure more than it loves the Lord." - Paul Tripp (author of whiter than snow)
Plain in simple, I love personal pleasure more than I love God.
On the other hand the times when I choose to let God turn on the light of penetrating truth are the times that I feel God the most. They are times of pain and hurt, but at the same moment they are times of beautiful and sweet mercy. I stand naked and vulnerable before God and I let Him in on all of my secrets. God does not reject me and He does not push me away, but He embraces me with arms of protection. My vulnerability and weakness are covered by His Grace. No one can touch me, but Him. No one can destroy me, but the Creator. No one knows me like my Lover and no heals me like my God.
God has revealed to me my filth. He has penetrated my heart with revealing truth. I am convicted and I embrace all of the accusations of my corruption, but I take shelter in God's Grace. Stones have been engraved with all of my sins and they have been thrown in my direction. Every stone deserves to hit me. Every stone deserves to break me, but instead Christ in perfect love spreads out His body, completely vulnerable, naked, broken, shattered, and embraces the impact of every single stone. I stand behind His bent and bruised body completely forgiven and completely renewed. The stones have been thrown and my debts have been paid. Christ rose again and just like Christ has risen so will I. My life is being restored and will be completed when I pass away. When my work is done God will bring me home. I will be completely transformed and redeemed. God has begun a work in me and will complete it. I have been redeemed. I can live knowing that it is finished.
Times and moments like these when I let God turn on the light are the best times of my life. I am filled with so much joy and excitement, because I know and dwell in the Grace of God. I turn from this filth. I turn from these evil secrets and I take a step towards the light and the closer I get the more alive I feel. I am being resurrected and I can not wait to be completed. My corruption and sin is paid for and I am satisfied now in dwelling in God's Grace. It is so amazing to know that the true reality of life is that all is broken and that all has fallen short except for Jesus Christ who perfectly lived and brokenly died a sinners death that should of been me, but instead was Him. Amen!
Honestly, I want to hide from the truth. I want to hide from reality. I want to be as far away from what makes me feel vulnerable and weak. I want to close my eyes and forget about everything and just fall to sleep pretending like everything is okay, but this is not how God works.
The truth hurts. The truth breaks me. The truth brings me to my knees. The truth reveals my filthy rags. The truth is love. The truth is healing. The truth is redemption. The truth is what I need, because God is truth. He is the light that shines and reveals all of my dark and evil secrets. He is the penetrating truth that pierces my heart and convicts me of my sin. He is the voice that guides me into His loving embrace. He is the savior that took on death for my salvation. He has revealed to me what is wrong and has given me a choice. A choice between turning on the light switch and walking in repentance or a choice to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow of my sin.
The problem is that so many times I choose to hide in the darkness and live in the shadow. I make that choice, because it is comfortable. It puts me in control over my life and it keeps me at the driver seat. The problem is I can not see where I am going. I have no idea what I am doing. I walk in darkness and I have no idea where I am. I am lost and confused, but I still choose to be in the shadow. I make that choice, because I am afraid. I am afraid of letting God invade my life. I am afraid of what He will find and what He will reveal. I am afraid of what will happen and what will become of me.
All of these reasons are selfish and self-seeking. All of these reasons revolve around me and my comforts and my needs. All of these reasons describe a corrupt heart. A corrupt heart that, "loves personal pleasure more than it loves the Lord." - Paul Tripp (author of whiter than snow)
Plain in simple, I love personal pleasure more than I love God.
On the other hand the times when I choose to let God turn on the light of penetrating truth are the times that I feel God the most. They are times of pain and hurt, but at the same moment they are times of beautiful and sweet mercy. I stand naked and vulnerable before God and I let Him in on all of my secrets. God does not reject me and He does not push me away, but He embraces me with arms of protection. My vulnerability and weakness are covered by His Grace. No one can touch me, but Him. No one can destroy me, but the Creator. No one knows me like my Lover and no heals me like my God.
God has revealed to me my filth. He has penetrated my heart with revealing truth. I am convicted and I embrace all of the accusations of my corruption, but I take shelter in God's Grace. Stones have been engraved with all of my sins and they have been thrown in my direction. Every stone deserves to hit me. Every stone deserves to break me, but instead Christ in perfect love spreads out His body, completely vulnerable, naked, broken, shattered, and embraces the impact of every single stone. I stand behind His bent and bruised body completely forgiven and completely renewed. The stones have been thrown and my debts have been paid. Christ rose again and just like Christ has risen so will I. My life is being restored and will be completed when I pass away. When my work is done God will bring me home. I will be completely transformed and redeemed. God has begun a work in me and will complete it. I have been redeemed. I can live knowing that it is finished.
Times and moments like these when I let God turn on the light are the best times of my life. I am filled with so much joy and excitement, because I know and dwell in the Grace of God. I turn from this filth. I turn from these evil secrets and I take a step towards the light and the closer I get the more alive I feel. I am being resurrected and I can not wait to be completed. My corruption and sin is paid for and I am satisfied now in dwelling in God's Grace. It is so amazing to know that the true reality of life is that all is broken and that all has fallen short except for Jesus Christ who perfectly lived and brokenly died a sinners death that should of been me, but instead was Him. Amen!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Love
True Love. What is it? How can anyone honestly explain it? How can anyone possibly begin to describe it? It is more than a simple, "I love you", it is more than a kiss goodnight, it is more than marriage and it is more than family.
True Love is God. True Love is Jesus. True Love is the Holy Spirit. True Love is everything that entails God therefore True Love is incomprehensible, because no one can begin to comprehend God. What we know of God today is nothing compared to how we will know God in eternity.
True Love is sacrifice. It is the blood that has been selflessly surrendered to cleanse mankind. It is the outstretched arms, pierced hands, pierced feet and broken heart of a God who is faithful. A God that will never forget. A God that is all-knowing. A God that loves. A God that lives. A God that forgives. A God that pours out Grace. A God who is so in Love with me that He will do anything to have me. He will go to all the ends of the earth looking for me. He will search high and low and far and close until He finds me. I am His and I am claimed. No one can take me away, because my God is True Love. True Love that never fails. True Love that always endures. True Love that will always love.
True Love is a promise. A promise that will be held. A promise that one day my relationship with God will be restored. A promise that I will be with God forever. A promise that I will never be forgotten and abandon. It is a promise that has been kept since the days of Abraham. It is a promise that one day all will be restored. My life will be made new and my soul will be in the arms of God forever. The day when this bond is restored will be the day that my heart erupts with the overwhelming grace and love that God has poured out. I can not begin to even imagine the beauty of that day. The Glory of God will shine forever. His name will be shouted for all of eternity. Everything about me will scream God's awesome Love. He is everything and that day where every ounce of my body and soul is poured out to Christ is the day that God will invade my life for all of eternity. True love is a promise that one day all will be made new.
True Love is messy. It involves my guilty and sinful hands. It involves my broken and fallen spirit. It involves all of my mess and all of my shame. It is a sloppy embrace. It is a filthy engagement. Everything about me, even my good deeds is a sloppy rag, but Jesus takes this rag and claims it as his. He takes everything about my messy life and embraces its punishment. He takes all the wrath, all the anger and all the pain with a perfect life that died a sinners death. He paid it all. He paid everything! It is finished!
True Love is life. On the third day Jesus rose again. He came back to life. He was made new! He is alive and well and is living within me. He is alive in me! Jesus' love is in me! Jesus is alive! I am alive! I am blameless and spotless in the sight of God! I have no more shame and no more reason to run away! I am new and restored! My spirit is alive! My spirit is alive! God gave His son so I can live! So I can be with Him! So that I can live in His Grace! So that I can be apart of His plan! So that I can just let everything go and let everything disappear and let every worry vanquish and let everything become nothing and GOD become everything! True Love is the Life that God has brought inside of me!
True Love is... is... is!!! God! Everything I learn about Him and everything I feel about Him and everything I have seen by Him is True Love! What I am is the work of True Love! I am the creation of True Love! I am a broken man, but a forgiven lover. I am so loved that these words that I write down frustrate me, because they can not capture the love of God. These words can not begin to describe God's True Love! It is so so so much more than I can even begin to describe! It is everything to me. God is everything. God is absolutely everything. Only God matters, only Him and no one else. Only in God can anyone be satisfied. Only in God can anyone live. Only in God can anyone experience True Love. In God I find strength, love, patience, compassion, conviction, passion, truth, and so much more. He is eternal and it will take me all of eternity to understand Him. I look forward to the day I can be with God forever. I look forward to the True Love I will experience in Him. I am constantly amazed by how much He loves me.
God is True Love...
True Love is God. True Love is Jesus. True Love is the Holy Spirit. True Love is everything that entails God therefore True Love is incomprehensible, because no one can begin to comprehend God. What we know of God today is nothing compared to how we will know God in eternity.
True Love is sacrifice. It is the blood that has been selflessly surrendered to cleanse mankind. It is the outstretched arms, pierced hands, pierced feet and broken heart of a God who is faithful. A God that will never forget. A God that is all-knowing. A God that loves. A God that lives. A God that forgives. A God that pours out Grace. A God who is so in Love with me that He will do anything to have me. He will go to all the ends of the earth looking for me. He will search high and low and far and close until He finds me. I am His and I am claimed. No one can take me away, because my God is True Love. True Love that never fails. True Love that always endures. True Love that will always love.
True Love is a promise. A promise that will be held. A promise that one day my relationship with God will be restored. A promise that I will be with God forever. A promise that I will never be forgotten and abandon. It is a promise that has been kept since the days of Abraham. It is a promise that one day all will be restored. My life will be made new and my soul will be in the arms of God forever. The day when this bond is restored will be the day that my heart erupts with the overwhelming grace and love that God has poured out. I can not begin to even imagine the beauty of that day. The Glory of God will shine forever. His name will be shouted for all of eternity. Everything about me will scream God's awesome Love. He is everything and that day where every ounce of my body and soul is poured out to Christ is the day that God will invade my life for all of eternity. True love is a promise that one day all will be made new.
True Love is messy. It involves my guilty and sinful hands. It involves my broken and fallen spirit. It involves all of my mess and all of my shame. It is a sloppy embrace. It is a filthy engagement. Everything about me, even my good deeds is a sloppy rag, but Jesus takes this rag and claims it as his. He takes everything about my messy life and embraces its punishment. He takes all the wrath, all the anger and all the pain with a perfect life that died a sinners death. He paid it all. He paid everything! It is finished!
True Love is life. On the third day Jesus rose again. He came back to life. He was made new! He is alive and well and is living within me. He is alive in me! Jesus' love is in me! Jesus is alive! I am alive! I am blameless and spotless in the sight of God! I have no more shame and no more reason to run away! I am new and restored! My spirit is alive! My spirit is alive! God gave His son so I can live! So I can be with Him! So that I can live in His Grace! So that I can be apart of His plan! So that I can just let everything go and let everything disappear and let every worry vanquish and let everything become nothing and GOD become everything! True Love is the Life that God has brought inside of me!
True Love is... is... is!!! God! Everything I learn about Him and everything I feel about Him and everything I have seen by Him is True Love! What I am is the work of True Love! I am the creation of True Love! I am a broken man, but a forgiven lover. I am so loved that these words that I write down frustrate me, because they can not capture the love of God. These words can not begin to describe God's True Love! It is so so so much more than I can even begin to describe! It is everything to me. God is everything. God is absolutely everything. Only God matters, only Him and no one else. Only in God can anyone be satisfied. Only in God can anyone live. Only in God can anyone experience True Love. In God I find strength, love, patience, compassion, conviction, passion, truth, and so much more. He is eternal and it will take me all of eternity to understand Him. I look forward to the day I can be with God forever. I look forward to the True Love I will experience in Him. I am constantly amazed by how much He loves me.
God is True Love...
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