I can't help, but think that I have missed it.
The past few days I have been so focused on myself. I have been putting so much effort into being the better me. I have pointed out my flaws in my heart and have made it my mission in life to rid myself of them. I see poor people and I help them. I see needs and I try to meet them. I know it is wrong to do certain things and so I don't do them. Don't get me wrong I make plenty of mistakes I just am trying to say that I am making an effort to be better. I try to do all of the "right" things in life and I always try to be nice, BUT there is something deeply wrong with me. I can feel it inside of me rotting away my bones and eating away at my life. I am choking, but yet I am trying to do everything right. How can this be? How can I be living this way and be experiencing so much separation from God? How can I be good, but yet feel so dead? What is wrong? "God I thought you said that if I believe you are real and if I live this certain way that I will find life, but GOD just so you know I feel pretty dead. I am trying to be like Christ and to live the way He lived. I see that He cared for the poor so I care for the poor. I see that He poured into people's lives so I pour into people's lives, but just so you know God living like this has not brought me life!"
I find myself in so much distress and I go through the list over and over again trying to find where did I miss it. Go to church... check. Get involved in a campus ministry... check. Get involved in the church... check. Go on a mission trip... check. Feed the poor... check. Help people... check. The list goes on and on and all that I keep on doing is adding more thinking that I must be just missing one more check before I find it. It is a monotonous process of checks and more checks and more stuff to do that ends up draining my life to where I am completely empty. Then I lose my bearings and I forget the truth and cave in to the world and let the world take over me. I let it knock me down and pour me out. I give up because I can't do it!
"I can't do it!"
"I can't do it!"
"I can't do it!"
(Sorry there is no purpose for writing it three times just the fact that I needed to just to remind myself that it is true.)
The truth is that I can't do it... The truth is that, "All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23)." The truth is that, "It is by Grave you (I) have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves (myself), it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast (Ephesians 2:8-9)." The truth is that, "I (Jesus) am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me (Jesus) (John 14:6)." This is truth and I had twisted it... I had missed it.
I lived like Jesus not because of what Jesus did for me, but mainly because I felt good being good. I liked doing good things, because it didn't make Jesus look good it made me look good. I liked trying to be a good person, because it brought glory to my name instead of bringing Glory to God's name. No wonder I feel so dead... It is because I am dead. Only in Christ can you find life, but I was trying to find life in myself and all that I could find was emptiness.
"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you (Ephesians 5:14)!" The blindfold is off... The great mystery has been solved! Yes I have missed it, but now I receive it. You see I was missing life, because I was missing Christ. I thought that I had Christ because I was living like Him to the best of my ability, but the truth is that I was not receiving Him. The idea is simple and I had completely missed it. I needed to understand that I needed Christ to rescue me from the grave to wake me up. I needed Him to die so that I could have life. Out of this great act of love I now rise up. I now choose to live in Christ, because He did it. He lived it. He perfected it. He made it. I didn't... But I have died with Christ on that cross and when my Savior breathed His last all my transgressions were washed away. When my Savior died so did my miserable, empty life, but when my Savior rose so did I... made whole and new in Him alone.
Church, College students, Christians... WAKE UP AND RISE! No longer live like Christ, but live in Christ. There is the key to finding life.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Hooked on Me
We all have an addiction. Some addictions can be seen by the naked eye and some are hidden secretly away. Some people know they are addicted and some people do not. This is the scary part. There are people that have no idea that they are hooked. Now I am not just talking about drugs, porn, and alcohol; I am talking about the secret addictions. The ones that no one knows about and the ones that we may not even know ourselves. These addictions are even harder to fight because they are not outside ourselves, but they are ourselves.
A lot of the outside addictions result from the inside addictions. The outside addictions can even be a cover up of our deep inner addictions. We hide behind the outside addictions when the real problem is inside. The catch is that we do not even realize that we are hiding. We think that we are being so open and honest with these outside addictions like alcohol, porn, drugs, etc... that we are really blinded by them. We only see it because others have seen it and have brought it to light. To me the outside addictions are not as serious as the inside addictions. These inside addictions are interwoven with who we are and the only way to be freed of them is to die to ourselves.
The inside addictions are what we base our decisions off of and how we make choices. The inside is what results on the outside, but in so many ways we use the outside to hide, because we can just say, "I am addicted to this substance or this thing etc." Now this is a very bold statement and it takes a lot of guts to say it. I know personally that it has taken me a long time for me to come clean about my own outside addictions with friends and family. It is really hard to make that statement, because it is honest. Also it makes you vulnerable and gives people an inside look to your sin and corruption. I think that everyone that struggles with an outside addiction should at some point come clean about it with an accountability partner or an older friend that can help you through it. Although this is an honest statement, I believe that it is not completely true, but it is what we believe is true at the time. What we really should say is, "I am addicted to myself and as a result I do this and this..."
Self addiction is something that I have just become aware of. I have been blown away by how sneaky and secretive it has been and I am so thankful that the Lord has brought it to light. What I have realized is that the reasons why I was addicted on the outside was due to the fact that I was putting myself first. I was saying that what I need to give me comfort and self worth were these outside addictions. I valued my own comfort and self well being over God. I put myself first and God second and as a result I have become addicted to meeting my own needs through my own selfishness. Every addiction derives from this main point that we believe we know what is best for ourselves and therefore do what we think will make us happy. Unfortunately we have no idea what is best and as a result of our own corruption we develop more and more addictions. Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, because they thought that this fruit would better their well being. They were wrong and so were we.
The crazy thing is that we use the results of our inside addictions as cover ups. We try so hard to beat them and destroy them and we trust God with them, but we don't trust God with ourselves. We know that porn, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, caffeine, eating, not-eating, candy, video games, money, self righteousness and etc... are all wrong in excess, but what we don't realize is that these things are a result of us choosing them based on the fact that we believe that these things will bring us satisfaction. We make these choices because we are selfish and we want to meet our needs the way we think is right, but we are so wrong.
For a long time I have been fighting my outside addiction and God has been teaching me so much through it and finally has pointed out through my outside addiction that I have an inside addiction to myself. I value myself more than God. Even in my own spiritual walk I have made choices based off of my well being and not based off bringing Glory to God. Half the time I go to church to just feel good about myself. I go on retreats for myself. I am involved in ministry for myself. Really I should be doing all of these things not with the intention of bettering myself, but with the intention of bringing Glory to God and as a result of this I will find that all my insecurities and needs are met through Christ. What I am trying to say is that I make selfish choices even in my own spiritual walk. I only do what makes me feel good in my walk. I feel good when I go to church. I feel good when I worship. I would not do these things if they did not feel good and this is what God has convicted me with. For instance there is a Father and a Son. Whenever the Father comes home from work his Son runs up and gives him a big hug then the Father gives his Son a candy. Every day the Father gave his Son a candy after the big hug, but one day the Father did not give his Son a candy after the hug when he got home. The next day when the Father came home his Son was no where to be seen. The Son was in the living room watching television and he clearly knew that his Father was home, but he did not run up and give him a big hug, because he thought his Father did not have any candy. Right there is the story of my relationship with God. When I stop feeling good (candy) I stop. The candy is what I am after. I am after the feel good moment. This breaks my heart, because I am not seeking God, because I love Him and want to bring Glory and Honor to Him, but I am seeking God for myself. If God has no candy for me then God is not getting a hug. This reveals my inner addiction to myself. I can only imagine how much this breaks God's heart, but it is true and you know what, God has His hands wide open and He is waiting for the big hug. I know that God will continue to be faithful to me even when I am not. It takes time to work through an addiction and God is working through this addiction with me and even when I do not give Him a hug he continues to love me by hugging me no matter how messy I am.
So there is my problem... I am hooked on me. Due to valuing my well being over pursuing my purpose of bringing Glory to God I have developed deep wounds in my very soul. These wounds are messy and have been infected, because they were not treated properly. Now I need to reopen them and bring them to the great physician. I need to let Him tend to them and clean them out so that I may no longer be infected, but clean. When I surrender myself to God's will and His plan I die to my sinful flesh that wants to meet my selfish desires. I die to my flesh like Christ died on the cross and I have been given new life like Christ who rose from the grave. In Christ I can be free of my inside addictions and outside addictions. I can be free of my flesh! I can be free of myself that ensnares me in death! Amen to life in Christ! Amen to freedom in the Lord! My hope is in Holy One of Israel who brought me out of my slavery and has brought me into His Promise Land. To Him Be the Glory and Honor forever and ever! AMEN.
A lot of the outside addictions result from the inside addictions. The outside addictions can even be a cover up of our deep inner addictions. We hide behind the outside addictions when the real problem is inside. The catch is that we do not even realize that we are hiding. We think that we are being so open and honest with these outside addictions like alcohol, porn, drugs, etc... that we are really blinded by them. We only see it because others have seen it and have brought it to light. To me the outside addictions are not as serious as the inside addictions. These inside addictions are interwoven with who we are and the only way to be freed of them is to die to ourselves.
The inside addictions are what we base our decisions off of and how we make choices. The inside is what results on the outside, but in so many ways we use the outside to hide, because we can just say, "I am addicted to this substance or this thing etc." Now this is a very bold statement and it takes a lot of guts to say it. I know personally that it has taken me a long time for me to come clean about my own outside addictions with friends and family. It is really hard to make that statement, because it is honest. Also it makes you vulnerable and gives people an inside look to your sin and corruption. I think that everyone that struggles with an outside addiction should at some point come clean about it with an accountability partner or an older friend that can help you through it. Although this is an honest statement, I believe that it is not completely true, but it is what we believe is true at the time. What we really should say is, "I am addicted to myself and as a result I do this and this..."
Self addiction is something that I have just become aware of. I have been blown away by how sneaky and secretive it has been and I am so thankful that the Lord has brought it to light. What I have realized is that the reasons why I was addicted on the outside was due to the fact that I was putting myself first. I was saying that what I need to give me comfort and self worth were these outside addictions. I valued my own comfort and self well being over God. I put myself first and God second and as a result I have become addicted to meeting my own needs through my own selfishness. Every addiction derives from this main point that we believe we know what is best for ourselves and therefore do what we think will make us happy. Unfortunately we have no idea what is best and as a result of our own corruption we develop more and more addictions. Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, because they thought that this fruit would better their well being. They were wrong and so were we.
The crazy thing is that we use the results of our inside addictions as cover ups. We try so hard to beat them and destroy them and we trust God with them, but we don't trust God with ourselves. We know that porn, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, caffeine, eating, not-eating, candy, video games, money, self righteousness and etc... are all wrong in excess, but what we don't realize is that these things are a result of us choosing them based on the fact that we believe that these things will bring us satisfaction. We make these choices because we are selfish and we want to meet our needs the way we think is right, but we are so wrong.
For a long time I have been fighting my outside addiction and God has been teaching me so much through it and finally has pointed out through my outside addiction that I have an inside addiction to myself. I value myself more than God. Even in my own spiritual walk I have made choices based off of my well being and not based off bringing Glory to God. Half the time I go to church to just feel good about myself. I go on retreats for myself. I am involved in ministry for myself. Really I should be doing all of these things not with the intention of bettering myself, but with the intention of bringing Glory to God and as a result of this I will find that all my insecurities and needs are met through Christ. What I am trying to say is that I make selfish choices even in my own spiritual walk. I only do what makes me feel good in my walk. I feel good when I go to church. I feel good when I worship. I would not do these things if they did not feel good and this is what God has convicted me with. For instance there is a Father and a Son. Whenever the Father comes home from work his Son runs up and gives him a big hug then the Father gives his Son a candy. Every day the Father gave his Son a candy after the big hug, but one day the Father did not give his Son a candy after the hug when he got home. The next day when the Father came home his Son was no where to be seen. The Son was in the living room watching television and he clearly knew that his Father was home, but he did not run up and give him a big hug, because he thought his Father did not have any candy. Right there is the story of my relationship with God. When I stop feeling good (candy) I stop. The candy is what I am after. I am after the feel good moment. This breaks my heart, because I am not seeking God, because I love Him and want to bring Glory and Honor to Him, but I am seeking God for myself. If God has no candy for me then God is not getting a hug. This reveals my inner addiction to myself. I can only imagine how much this breaks God's heart, but it is true and you know what, God has His hands wide open and He is waiting for the big hug. I know that God will continue to be faithful to me even when I am not. It takes time to work through an addiction and God is working through this addiction with me and even when I do not give Him a hug he continues to love me by hugging me no matter how messy I am.
So there is my problem... I am hooked on me. Due to valuing my well being over pursuing my purpose of bringing Glory to God I have developed deep wounds in my very soul. These wounds are messy and have been infected, because they were not treated properly. Now I need to reopen them and bring them to the great physician. I need to let Him tend to them and clean them out so that I may no longer be infected, but clean. When I surrender myself to God's will and His plan I die to my sinful flesh that wants to meet my selfish desires. I die to my flesh like Christ died on the cross and I have been given new life like Christ who rose from the grave. In Christ I can be free of my inside addictions and outside addictions. I can be free of my flesh! I can be free of myself that ensnares me in death! Amen to life in Christ! Amen to freedom in the Lord! My hope is in Holy One of Israel who brought me out of my slavery and has brought me into His Promise Land. To Him Be the Glory and Honor forever and ever! AMEN.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
The Unknown
There is a picture being painted. A design being constructed. A plan being accomplished. A story is being told. There is only one writer, one artist, and only one God. He is the only one who understands, comprehends, designs, creates, and He is the only one who sees the big picture. He is the only one who knows how the pieces fit.
Look into the sky and see the stars. Look into the heavens and see how majestic God is. Psalm 8:3-4 says, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" I ask the same question so many times, "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Man is a worm in need of a savior like it says in Isaiah 41:14, "'Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you', declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."
Man is sinful, "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23)." "We[man] were by nature objects of wrath (Ephesians 2:3b)" and even our good works are like filthy rags, "All of us[man] become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6)."
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes (Romans 3:10-18)."
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)." While we were unrighteous, Christ died for us. While we never understood, Christ died for us. While we never sought after Him, Christ died for us. While we turned away, Christ died for us. While we were evil, Christ died for us. While we were deceitful, Christ died for us. While we cursed and hated, Christ died for us. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8b)." "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification (Romans 4:25)."
The truth is that we are sinners. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)." In Christ Jesus our Lord we find life. In Him alone can we ever be satisfied. "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)." In Christ we find rest and in Christ we find hope. In Christ we find love, "We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)." Our lives are a response to the love of Christ. We act out of love not out of our own love, but out of the love of Christ. We are incapable of anything good unless it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Man was created from dust and to dust we will return, but from dust we were created in the image of God. We are His children, born again into the body of Christ. Our purpose is to bring the glory of God to this planet, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)." We are the ambassadors of Christ and we are called to go out and make disciples of many nations, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19)" That is our call as children of God.
When God looks at us He does not see us, but He sees Christ. He sees pure and Holy people walking in the light of His love and bringing an end to darkness across the world. We are the light of the world and salt of the earth. Wherever we go by the way we live we proclaim His name. Every second of our days are an act of continuous worship to the King. We are the bride, the bride that God has so long been waiting for. So why does God love us? We are made in His image and we are His bride and we are His children and we bring Glory to His name and we are His ambassadors and we are His followers and we are a result of Him first loving us. The complexity of God's love for us incomprehensible. We will never know fully why He loves us and we will never be able to see all the ways He has loved us.
We are a part of a picture. God has written us into His story and He is constantly with us. He is a loving father and He will never abandon us. We have been called by Him and if we listen we will find eternal life. We will find true love. God's ways are higher than our own and even though we still wonder how God could love us when we are so sinful, we just have to trust that He has all the answers. We will never be able to fully understand God until heaven, but as children of God we need to have perspective. Since the beginning of time God had us in mind. He knew what we would be and how we would live. He raised up people to influence us and play a role in our lives. He brought us into existence and He will bring us home. We never need to worry about the unknown, because God knows. He is the one who invented the universe and the laws of motion and gravity. He designed it all and He is outside of them. Creation can not comprehend the ways of the creator, because the creator is greater. God is greater. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
What I am trying to say through all of this is that I trust God, because His ways our greater. Why would I trust myself, creation, when I can trust God, creator? Also I trust God because I am fallen. I need Him constantly to supply me life. Without Him I would be nothing it is only in Christ that I live. He is the breath of life and in Him I find streams of living water. He guides me through the valley of the shadow of death and He protects me from the evil one. He is the good shepherd that has gone after me. He has found me and is bringing me home. After all of this I still find it hard to trust God. I find it hard, because of my own blindness. At times I feel like I can surrender it all for Him, but then there are times when I keep parts of my life from Him for my own comfort, but in time He brings it to light. God is patient with me and He loves me this I know through His son. I am His creation and I am made in His image. I trust in Him, because I know that He has a plan for me, a plan with a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29). His ways are greater than mine and even though the world says no to His ways I will not conform to them, because I choose to be transformed by His grace (Romans 12). I choose to be a servant of God rather than a slave to sin. Even though I can't see the big picture I still want to be a part of His picture and I want to be a part of his plan, because I know the truth and that is He loves me! So onward into the unknown I go... in complete trust and faith I take a step!
Look into the sky and see the stars. Look into the heavens and see how majestic God is. Psalm 8:3-4 says, "When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?" I ask the same question so many times, "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?"
Man is a worm in need of a savior like it says in Isaiah 41:14, "'Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you', declares the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel."
Man is sinful, "For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23)." "We[man] were by nature objects of wrath (Ephesians 2:3b)" and even our good works are like filthy rags, "All of us[man] become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away (Isaiah 64:6)."
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one. Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know. There is no fear of God before their eyes (Romans 3:10-18)."
"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8)." While we were unrighteous, Christ died for us. While we never understood, Christ died for us. While we never sought after Him, Christ died for us. While we turned away, Christ died for us. While we were evil, Christ died for us. While we were deceitful, Christ died for us. While we cursed and hated, Christ died for us. "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8b)." "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification (Romans 4:25)."
The truth is that we are sinners. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)." In Christ Jesus our Lord we find life. In Him alone can we ever be satisfied. "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28)." In Christ we find rest and in Christ we find hope. In Christ we find love, "We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19)." Our lives are a response to the love of Christ. We act out of love not out of our own love, but out of the love of Christ. We are incapable of anything good unless it is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Man was created from dust and to dust we will return, but from dust we were created in the image of God. We are His children, born again into the body of Christ. Our purpose is to bring the glory of God to this planet, "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31)." We are the ambassadors of Christ and we are called to go out and make disciples of many nations, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19)" That is our call as children of God.
When God looks at us He does not see us, but He sees Christ. He sees pure and Holy people walking in the light of His love and bringing an end to darkness across the world. We are the light of the world and salt of the earth. Wherever we go by the way we live we proclaim His name. Every second of our days are an act of continuous worship to the King. We are the bride, the bride that God has so long been waiting for. So why does God love us? We are made in His image and we are His bride and we are His children and we bring Glory to His name and we are His ambassadors and we are His followers and we are a result of Him first loving us. The complexity of God's love for us incomprehensible. We will never know fully why He loves us and we will never be able to see all the ways He has loved us.
We are a part of a picture. God has written us into His story and He is constantly with us. He is a loving father and He will never abandon us. We have been called by Him and if we listen we will find eternal life. We will find true love. God's ways are higher than our own and even though we still wonder how God could love us when we are so sinful, we just have to trust that He has all the answers. We will never be able to fully understand God until heaven, but as children of God we need to have perspective. Since the beginning of time God had us in mind. He knew what we would be and how we would live. He raised up people to influence us and play a role in our lives. He brought us into existence and He will bring us home. We never need to worry about the unknown, because God knows. He is the one who invented the universe and the laws of motion and gravity. He designed it all and He is outside of them. Creation can not comprehend the ways of the creator, because the creator is greater. God is greater. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
What I am trying to say through all of this is that I trust God, because His ways our greater. Why would I trust myself, creation, when I can trust God, creator? Also I trust God because I am fallen. I need Him constantly to supply me life. Without Him I would be nothing it is only in Christ that I live. He is the breath of life and in Him I find streams of living water. He guides me through the valley of the shadow of death and He protects me from the evil one. He is the good shepherd that has gone after me. He has found me and is bringing me home. After all of this I still find it hard to trust God. I find it hard, because of my own blindness. At times I feel like I can surrender it all for Him, but then there are times when I keep parts of my life from Him for my own comfort, but in time He brings it to light. God is patient with me and He loves me this I know through His son. I am His creation and I am made in His image. I trust in Him, because I know that He has a plan for me, a plan with a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29). His ways are greater than mine and even though the world says no to His ways I will not conform to them, because I choose to be transformed by His grace (Romans 12). I choose to be a servant of God rather than a slave to sin. Even though I can't see the big picture I still want to be a part of His picture and I want to be a part of his plan, because I know the truth and that is He loves me! So onward into the unknown I go... in complete trust and faith I take a step!
Monday, July 11, 2011
"He has FAILED!"
A pair of socks, a white bandana, a large t-shirt, some pocket change and 20 minutes later a new brother in Christ. I had given him all I had, but the most important thing I shared with him was my faith.
Dylan was blind in his right eye and in many ways he was blind from half of the Gospel. His body was broken and in many ways he was broken spiritually. Dylan told me that he was like Jonah. He said, “God has called me to do something and I have ran away and I am swallowed by the whale.” He told me that Jesus did not love him and that he had made too many mistakes. He understood his sin and need for a savior, but he could not understand grace.
When I first shared the Gospel with Dylan he did not receive it. I was disappointed and frustrated and I began to walk away from him when he said, “Michael… Michael I am so sorry… Michael I am sorry!” Tears were running down his face and the agony in his eyes made my heart break. I asked him why he was sorry and he said, “Tonight I plan on taking my own life.” Thrown back by the statement I tried to gather my composure. I had no idea what to say or where to start. I was speechless and completely blown away by the pain I saw in this man’s heart. Thankfully, God intervened in His great power and mercy and placed words into my mouth. I shared with him how much God loved him. I shared with Dylan the Gospel again. After sharing the Gospel a second time Dylan reached out his arm and placed it on my shoulder and said, “The devil is out to get me; he has sent his demons upon me and they are attacking me, but tonight he has FAILED!” With that proclamation Dylan embraced me. He was sobbing and with every single breath I could feel all of his worries, pains and fear leave his body. God was victorious over Dylan’s demons. God was victorious and on that night of victory the angels were rejoicing. Praise God for the work He did in Dylan’s life and in mine. From that night on my life has been forever changed.
It is crazy to think that 19 years ago both Dylan and I were born. I was born into a family and he was not. I was born into provision and he was not, but from that first breath we both took on this earth God had already ordained our meeting. God knew that our paths would cross in the Summer of 2011 and He knew that both of us would forever be changed by this encounter. What I want all of you to know is that you played a specific role in this story. When I was talking to Dylan I explained to him that over 50 people had given me financial support and prayer to go on this trip. I explained to him that there are people in America who he has never met that love him. He was moved by this statement and he realized through you and me that God loved him. He realized that God had been at work for over 19 years to raise up people that would invest in bringing him the Gospel. Dylan finally had perspective on God’s extraordinary power. He realized that God had ordained this moment in his life and he seized it with open arms and a full heart. Also I realized too God’s extraordinary power and I realized that Dylan and I are not that different. We both underestimated God’s power, we both doubted His plan, we both have heard his calling and we both struggle with the concept of Grace, but by a miracle of God we met and by God’s awesome power we have been changed.
Dylan was blind in his right eye and in many ways he was blind from half of the Gospel. His body was broken and in many ways he was broken spiritually. Dylan told me that he was like Jonah. He said, “God has called me to do something and I have ran away and I am swallowed by the whale.” He told me that Jesus did not love him and that he had made too many mistakes. He understood his sin and need for a savior, but he could not understand grace.
When I first shared the Gospel with Dylan he did not receive it. I was disappointed and frustrated and I began to walk away from him when he said, “Michael… Michael I am so sorry… Michael I am sorry!” Tears were running down his face and the agony in his eyes made my heart break. I asked him why he was sorry and he said, “Tonight I plan on taking my own life.” Thrown back by the statement I tried to gather my composure. I had no idea what to say or where to start. I was speechless and completely blown away by the pain I saw in this man’s heart. Thankfully, God intervened in His great power and mercy and placed words into my mouth. I shared with him how much God loved him. I shared with Dylan the Gospel again. After sharing the Gospel a second time Dylan reached out his arm and placed it on my shoulder and said, “The devil is out to get me; he has sent his demons upon me and they are attacking me, but tonight he has FAILED!” With that proclamation Dylan embraced me. He was sobbing and with every single breath I could feel all of his worries, pains and fear leave his body. God was victorious over Dylan’s demons. God was victorious and on that night of victory the angels were rejoicing. Praise God for the work He did in Dylan’s life and in mine. From that night on my life has been forever changed.
It is crazy to think that 19 years ago both Dylan and I were born. I was born into a family and he was not. I was born into provision and he was not, but from that first breath we both took on this earth God had already ordained our meeting. God knew that our paths would cross in the Summer of 2011 and He knew that both of us would forever be changed by this encounter. What I want all of you to know is that you played a specific role in this story. When I was talking to Dylan I explained to him that over 50 people had given me financial support and prayer to go on this trip. I explained to him that there are people in America who he has never met that love him. He was moved by this statement and he realized through you and me that God loved him. He realized that God had been at work for over 19 years to raise up people that would invest in bringing him the Gospel. Dylan finally had perspective on God’s extraordinary power. He realized that God had ordained this moment in his life and he seized it with open arms and a full heart. Also I realized too God’s extraordinary power and I realized that Dylan and I are not that different. We both underestimated God’s power, we both doubted His plan, we both have heard his calling and we both struggle with the concept of Grace, but by a miracle of God we met and by God’s awesome power we have been changed.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
South Africa
God is constantly at work. He is at work all over the world. When I was in South Africa I got to experience God's amazing power and unconditional love. To wake up everyday with purpose and vision was awesome. Everyday when I woke up I had a plan and the plan was to serve God and bring Him Glory. I feel like in America I never have vision and I never have a plan. Whenever I am in America it is all about me and my personal needs and comforts, but when I was in South Africa it was all about God and it was the most life giving experience I have ever had.
Everyday in South Africa was life changing and to go from that to sitting on the couch everyday has been really hard. The way I lived in South Africa was incredible and awesome. I lived for God and only God, because He was all I had in South Africa. In America I live for me. I live to better my reputation and my status, because I believe that this will give me life. I have been so convicted of this belief and conception I have. It has been so hard to be honest with myself about this, but its true. I live a selfish life in America and I am so done with it. I am done with always putting myself first and others second. I am done with ignoring the poor and needy. I am so appalled with the way I have lived. It makes me sick to my stomach to see my corrupt heart and selfishness. It just proves how needy I am and how much I need a savior.
I need Jesus everyday. I need the Gospel preached to me daily and in South Africa I got to see the Gospel at work in every second of my life. I got to see God work in my heart and work in my life. I got to see God change my life and the lives of people around me. I got to see people come to know Christ and I got to see people fall in love with Jesus. I felt life being breathed into me daily. I could feel God's love being poured out on me daily. When you are in another country you realize that you need God's constant strength and provision. You realize that the only way you are going to be able to get through the trip is by the Grace of God, because you do not know the language and you do not know the culture. You have no choice, but to allow God complete control over your life.
Since being back in the States I can feel myself once again taking control over my own life. I am back in my comfort zone and I am back into my normal routine. The more comfortable I get the more I feel like I can do life on my own without Jesus. I begin to believe that I can earn my own share in heaven and I begin to believe that I can provide for all my needs. This belief is what slowly eats away at my soul and numbs me to the Gospel. I just came off of a five week trip where the Gospel was more alive in me than ever and it had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with God. I was living in constant surrender to Christ. I understood the need I had for a savior and embraced it with a full heart, but now that I am back in the states I can feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I can feel myself falling back into old habits that have nothing to do with Christ, but have everything to do with me. I do not want this! I do not want to live a life with selfish ambitions and selfish desires! I want to live for Christ! Paul says in Philippians,"To live is Christ and to die is gain!" AMEN to that!
In South Africa I experienced God in a whole new way. I experienced God in a way that I want to bring back to America and to my school. I experienced God, because the Gospel was preached into my life daily. This revealed to me my sin and my needs for Jesus. I experienced God, because of Christ like community. I was living in a community of believers that were going through the same problems as me. They were there for me and listened to me. This community was experiencing the Gospel daily and they were constantly holding me accountable. I experienced God, because of quiet times. Everyday in some way I was in communication with God. In every situation I was dependent on Christ and His grace. I would pray throughout the day and worship throughout the day and be in the word throughout the day. My life was revolving around God and it all starts with Christ. It begins with experiencing the Gospel. Then you need to have a community of believers that challenge you and hold you accountable. A community that encourages you to be in the word and in constant prayer. A community that you can be honest and real with and a community that you can praise God with! The result is a life centered around Christ and when your life revolves around Christ you share about it all the time. You will find yourself talking about Jesus in the most random times. You will find yourself being selfless and focused on the Kingdom of God. You will put others before yourself and you will experience God's constant provision and love. It is amazing! I experienced this in South Africa and I want to live like this for the rest of my life!
Everyday in South Africa was life changing and to go from that to sitting on the couch everyday has been really hard. The way I lived in South Africa was incredible and awesome. I lived for God and only God, because He was all I had in South Africa. In America I live for me. I live to better my reputation and my status, because I believe that this will give me life. I have been so convicted of this belief and conception I have. It has been so hard to be honest with myself about this, but its true. I live a selfish life in America and I am so done with it. I am done with always putting myself first and others second. I am done with ignoring the poor and needy. I am so appalled with the way I have lived. It makes me sick to my stomach to see my corrupt heart and selfishness. It just proves how needy I am and how much I need a savior.
I need Jesus everyday. I need the Gospel preached to me daily and in South Africa I got to see the Gospel at work in every second of my life. I got to see God work in my heart and work in my life. I got to see God change my life and the lives of people around me. I got to see people come to know Christ and I got to see people fall in love with Jesus. I felt life being breathed into me daily. I could feel God's love being poured out on me daily. When you are in another country you realize that you need God's constant strength and provision. You realize that the only way you are going to be able to get through the trip is by the Grace of God, because you do not know the language and you do not know the culture. You have no choice, but to allow God complete control over your life.
Since being back in the States I can feel myself once again taking control over my own life. I am back in my comfort zone and I am back into my normal routine. The more comfortable I get the more I feel like I can do life on my own without Jesus. I begin to believe that I can earn my own share in heaven and I begin to believe that I can provide for all my needs. This belief is what slowly eats away at my soul and numbs me to the Gospel. I just came off of a five week trip where the Gospel was more alive in me than ever and it had nothing to do with me, but had everything to do with God. I was living in constant surrender to Christ. I understood the need I had for a savior and embraced it with a full heart, but now that I am back in the states I can feel myself slipping back into my old ways. I can feel myself falling back into old habits that have nothing to do with Christ, but have everything to do with me. I do not want this! I do not want to live a life with selfish ambitions and selfish desires! I want to live for Christ! Paul says in Philippians,"To live is Christ and to die is gain!" AMEN to that!
In South Africa I experienced God in a whole new way. I experienced God in a way that I want to bring back to America and to my school. I experienced God, because the Gospel was preached into my life daily. This revealed to me my sin and my needs for Jesus. I experienced God, because of Christ like community. I was living in a community of believers that were going through the same problems as me. They were there for me and listened to me. This community was experiencing the Gospel daily and they were constantly holding me accountable. I experienced God, because of quiet times. Everyday in some way I was in communication with God. In every situation I was dependent on Christ and His grace. I would pray throughout the day and worship throughout the day and be in the word throughout the day. My life was revolving around God and it all starts with Christ. It begins with experiencing the Gospel. Then you need to have a community of believers that challenge you and hold you accountable. A community that encourages you to be in the word and in constant prayer. A community that you can be honest and real with and a community that you can praise God with! The result is a life centered around Christ and when your life revolves around Christ you share about it all the time. You will find yourself talking about Jesus in the most random times. You will find yourself being selfless and focused on the Kingdom of God. You will put others before yourself and you will experience God's constant provision and love. It is amazing! I experienced this in South Africa and I want to live like this for the rest of my life!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Church
God is Alive! He is living and moving! He is guiding and loving! There is no one like my God!
Attending church in South Africa has been amazing. It has been so cool to see God at work in another country and in another culture. We went to a church this sunday called His People and it was awesome! When we walked in it was like a giant party. The children of God were dancing, shouting, singing, and praising their Father. It was absolutely moving and spiritually awakening. I realized that these people are in love with God. They are filled with joy when they have so little. They give so much praise to God when they barely have anything. This realization gripped my heart. I have so much and yet I barely even sing in church back at home. I barely even start to give God glory and praise for what He has blessed me with. How can this be? How can I be so rich in material wealth, but so poor in the heart at the same time? How can these people be so rich in the heart, but so poor in material wealth? Personally, I would rather be like these people in South Africa. I would rather be poor and desolate, but have unending abundance within my heart. I would rather have nothing, but be able to walk into to church and party, because of God's Grace and Love. I want what they have here. I want there passion and joy. I want there community and I want to be near God. These people are dependant on the Lord and they are in love with Him. It is absolutely beautiful. It is beautiful to see people so engaged in worship and praise and so engaged in the sermon and the word of God.
People in South Africa experience God in such a unique way. God is all they have and Jesus is their only hope. In America I have a home, food, family and a tv. I have so many things and place these things before God. I have a found a new meaning to the quote from Jesus saying, "It is more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle." I used to think that I was not rich and that this did not apply to me, but after being in South Africa I have realized how rich I am and how little I give. These people sell out for the Lord and give Him all the Glory. They understand that this life is not about them, but about bringing God glory. It is so interesting to see how these people see God and it is so convicting to realize how I don't see God. I want to have the faith that these people have and I want to have their passion. They love God so much, because they realize how much God loved them first.
Attending church in South Africa has been amazing. It has been so cool to see God at work in another country and in another culture. We went to a church this sunday called His People and it was awesome! When we walked in it was like a giant party. The children of God were dancing, shouting, singing, and praising their Father. It was absolutely moving and spiritually awakening. I realized that these people are in love with God. They are filled with joy when they have so little. They give so much praise to God when they barely have anything. This realization gripped my heart. I have so much and yet I barely even sing in church back at home. I barely even start to give God glory and praise for what He has blessed me with. How can this be? How can I be so rich in material wealth, but so poor in the heart at the same time? How can these people be so rich in the heart, but so poor in material wealth? Personally, I would rather be like these people in South Africa. I would rather be poor and desolate, but have unending abundance within my heart. I would rather have nothing, but be able to walk into to church and party, because of God's Grace and Love. I want what they have here. I want there passion and joy. I want there community and I want to be near God. These people are dependant on the Lord and they are in love with Him. It is absolutely beautiful. It is beautiful to see people so engaged in worship and praise and so engaged in the sermon and the word of God.
People in South Africa experience God in such a unique way. God is all they have and Jesus is their only hope. In America I have a home, food, family and a tv. I have so many things and place these things before God. I have a found a new meaning to the quote from Jesus saying, "It is more difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle." I used to think that I was not rich and that this did not apply to me, but after being in South Africa I have realized how rich I am and how little I give. These people sell out for the Lord and give Him all the Glory. They understand that this life is not about them, but about bringing God glory. It is so interesting to see how these people see God and it is so convicting to realize how I don't see God. I want to have the faith that these people have and I want to have their passion. They love God so much, because they realize how much God loved them first.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Reality
No more wasting. No more sitting. No more nothing. No more letting everything slip. No more free fall. Stand. Grab hold to Truth. Grab hold to what is real!
God is real. His reality is mine. I would have it no other way. If He says I can fly then I will fly. If He says to die then I will die. If He says to go then I will go. No matter the absurdity and no matter the insanity. He is the foundation of logic and the very author of reality. What He says goes no matter what. If He tells the sky to rain gummy bears then the sky will rain gummy bears. If He tells the sea to be still then the sea will be still. If He tells me to go, I say no, I refuse, I resist,I call it ridiculous, I call it insane and I sit and wait for what? nothing...
Absolute nothing waits for me who lays around letting life pass by. My passivity and my rejection of the truth has resulted in pain and hurt. It has left bruises and scars on people's lives that I care so much about. It is the result of someone who has done nothing and I say no more! No more of this laziness. No more of this passivity. No more of the apathy. I care. I care that there are souls that are lost everyday. I care that people are dying daily. I care that there are men and woman sick and broken. I care that there is injustice. I care!
I will go oh God wherever you tell me to go. I will not just go, but I will run. I can not wait for what you have in store for me. I am desperate for your call and I am desperate for your direction. No longer do I want to sit and waste my seconds away. I choose to grab hold to you. I choose to let go of my baggage and cling to you. If the sea can listen and obey then why can't I? If the mountains can move at your command than why can't I move? It is because I do not believe the truth.
I do not believe in who I am. I tell myself daily that I am despicable and worthless. Satan is on my heels to support that accusation. This accusation I do embrace, but I play the ultimate trump when the Judge reads me my sentencing. I accept my shortcomings and mistakes. I accept my failures, insecurity and inabilities, but I cling to Jesus Christ and I shout his name in the court room. The judge hears my plea and he hears my case. "Jesus has paid it all and has washed me as white as snow!", I scream. The judge declares me innocent by the precious blood of Christ.
I am redeemed and I am renewed every single day I wake up. I am a new creation in Christ who has paid it all. I am the beloved, adopted son of God. I have been credited righteousness through the blood of Christ and by His wounds I am healed. No longer do I need to walk in my disgrace. My head is held high with my eyes set on the greater reward. I am loved and I am forgiven. I walk free knowing that all has been restored. There is hope for me and this is what I choose to believe. No more basking in my self pity and my selfishness. I admit to my crimes, but embrace the beautiful sacrifice of Christ.
By His life I can live and walk in faith. By His life I can go and do the work that God has planned for me. By His life I can bring glory to my Father. I have hope in this now and I can not wait to share to the world what God is all about. No more wasting time. No more passivity. No more apathy. It is time for me to live out my life the way God planned. I am tired of letting it all slip by while I sleep. I grab hold to you Oh God. I grab hold to who you are and what you are doing my life. I grab hold to the truth you have revealed to me and I grab hold to the outpouring of grace in my life. I live a life that has been selfish and full of pride. I confess! I confess! I confess! I am yours oh God and yours forever. No one can have me, but you! No one can take me, but you! Take me! Mold me! Love me! I need you now! I need you! I need you! You are all I have! I can never be stolen! You are my reality and I embrace it! No matter what, whatever you say Oh God goes! Your call is the only call!
God is real. His reality is mine. I would have it no other way. If He says I can fly then I will fly. If He says to die then I will die. If He says to go then I will go. No matter the absurdity and no matter the insanity. He is the foundation of logic and the very author of reality. What He says goes no matter what. If He tells the sky to rain gummy bears then the sky will rain gummy bears. If He tells the sea to be still then the sea will be still. If He tells me to go, I say no, I refuse, I resist,I call it ridiculous, I call it insane and I sit and wait for what? nothing...
Absolute nothing waits for me who lays around letting life pass by. My passivity and my rejection of the truth has resulted in pain and hurt. It has left bruises and scars on people's lives that I care so much about. It is the result of someone who has done nothing and I say no more! No more of this laziness. No more of this passivity. No more of the apathy. I care. I care that there are souls that are lost everyday. I care that people are dying daily. I care that there are men and woman sick and broken. I care that there is injustice. I care!
I will go oh God wherever you tell me to go. I will not just go, but I will run. I can not wait for what you have in store for me. I am desperate for your call and I am desperate for your direction. No longer do I want to sit and waste my seconds away. I choose to grab hold to you. I choose to let go of my baggage and cling to you. If the sea can listen and obey then why can't I? If the mountains can move at your command than why can't I move? It is because I do not believe the truth.
I do not believe in who I am. I tell myself daily that I am despicable and worthless. Satan is on my heels to support that accusation. This accusation I do embrace, but I play the ultimate trump when the Judge reads me my sentencing. I accept my shortcomings and mistakes. I accept my failures, insecurity and inabilities, but I cling to Jesus Christ and I shout his name in the court room. The judge hears my plea and he hears my case. "Jesus has paid it all and has washed me as white as snow!", I scream. The judge declares me innocent by the precious blood of Christ.
I am redeemed and I am renewed every single day I wake up. I am a new creation in Christ who has paid it all. I am the beloved, adopted son of God. I have been credited righteousness through the blood of Christ and by His wounds I am healed. No longer do I need to walk in my disgrace. My head is held high with my eyes set on the greater reward. I am loved and I am forgiven. I walk free knowing that all has been restored. There is hope for me and this is what I choose to believe. No more basking in my self pity and my selfishness. I admit to my crimes, but embrace the beautiful sacrifice of Christ.
By His life I can live and walk in faith. By His life I can go and do the work that God has planned for me. By His life I can bring glory to my Father. I have hope in this now and I can not wait to share to the world what God is all about. No more wasting time. No more passivity. No more apathy. It is time for me to live out my life the way God planned. I am tired of letting it all slip by while I sleep. I grab hold to you Oh God. I grab hold to who you are and what you are doing my life. I grab hold to the truth you have revealed to me and I grab hold to the outpouring of grace in my life. I live a life that has been selfish and full of pride. I confess! I confess! I confess! I am yours oh God and yours forever. No one can have me, but you! No one can take me, but you! Take me! Mold me! Love me! I need you now! I need you! I need you! You are all I have! I can never be stolen! You are my reality and I embrace it! No matter what, whatever you say Oh God goes! Your call is the only call!
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